Don't trust a liar
by Jin-Chan16
Summary: There was the first drink, the first shot, and the first pay. There's a lot of firsts for Matthew, will he stick with those firsts or find a way out. I don't own anything, possible multi-chapter story. Prostitution, drug abuse, alcohol abuse.
1. Chapter 1

There was a time, when I was innocent, and loveable. There was a time when I thought that there was good in everyone and everything. That turned out to be a lie.

They betrayed me, lied to me, and hurt me. Well that's fine, because the more I grew, the more I realized…

I was a lie.

The sweet little kid that loved his brother and his 'papa' and 'mama' was a lie, it was who I thought I was supposed to be. That Matthew was pure, innocent, sweet, and loveable.

That guy was a lie. He wasn't real, he was a fake, an alter ego that was created, molded by his creator and then set free into the world. That guy was all smiles, all happiness and joy and all that bullshit.

This Matthew, the heroine shooting, drinking, body selling Matthew was real. He was the person under the cover, the actual person, the real person. Not a lie, not like everything else that was.

**The First Drink**

I looked at the copper colored liquid, it smelled horrible, like metal and urine, I picked up the small glass. I swallowed the nervousness, and downed it quicker than anything I've ever drank. I slammed the glass down when I finished, the burning sensation in my throat was…pleasant?

It had felt as though a weight had lifted from my chest, I felt so loose, so free. I waved to the bartender, I had showed him my fake ID and another drink came my way. Soon I was on my sixth drink. I didn't care though, right now, I was drinking everything away, I was swallowing away my guilt, my nervousness, my pain.

_It was gone, and soon so was my consciousness._

**The First Shot**

I sat in the corner of the room, a syringe in hand, my sleeve pulled up. Could I really do this? Could I really stick myself with this? Everyone says that it's an upper, I need one of those….

It's just a pinch, just a pinch. I tell myself as I push the needle into my arm, with my thumb I push the liquid into me. Immediately I drop the syringe, my vision went blurry, colors and shapes danced around me. It wasn't hippie-like, no it wasn't pink and yellow and green and piece symbols, it was seeing sounds, hearing colors, it was amazing.

I felt so in control, no one could hurt me, I was safe in this fictional world. Even though it was fake, and I knew that I would wake up and everything would be completely different when I woke up the next morning, I felt so secure here. I didn't want to leave, I never wanted to leave…

And soon I was gone, along with my senses.

**The First Pay**

I don't know what had gotten me this deep, I don't know which I wanted more, the heroine or the whiskey. It was all good, all so good, but the money was the problem. I needed it to get those two things.

I had seen people do it all the time, stand, attract, and go. It seemed simple, and I was desperate. I was experienced, not as a prostitute, but as a lover I was, and that's what these men and women paid for. They wanted sex, and I wanted money, simple as that.

A man in a black car stopped as I thought about calling it a night, he rolled down the window, looked me over and told me to get in. I closed the door with a light force and pulled on my seatbelt, I looked at the man, he was a fairly attractive man, obviously tall, slightly muscled over his black suit, well groomed shoulder length jet black hair, and icy blue eyes that where piercing through the glass to focus on the road. The car was silent, and I begin to fidget in nervousness.

"Is this something that you do often?" He said in a commanding voice. I swallow my fear as I start to answer.

"N-No, th-this is the first time I've ever d-done something like this," I say, wringing my hands together. The car stopped with a jerk, making me go forward some, the seatbelt stopped me from nailing my head into the air bag. I looked out the window; he had taken us to a decent hotel. He got out of the car and I took it as an invitation to follow, I hurried out, stumbling over my feet as I caught up to him.

He already had a key in his hands and led me to an elevator; we were alone as the metal doors closed. He pushed the four button, and we remained in silence, I jumped when I felt him touch my arm.

"Don't be so nervous," He said, in a softer tone. I felt myself relax some, his blue eyes had seemed so reassuring, so calming. When the elevator stopped, he had gently led me to his room. His arms were strong and I believed everything to be ok, he opened the door and allowed me in first.

I looked around, it was a nice place, a living room and kitchen, a small hallway that led to a bathroom and a bedroom. The walls and furniture were white and polished, I was almost afraid to touch anything. He took his coat off at the door and put it in a closet before taking my hand, he led me to the bedroom, the bed itself was a queen and took up most of the room. Other than a small desk near it, that had a small lamp and scattered papers on it, the comforter was black with white sheets, the pillows where also white and had seemed very comfy. The walls were a warm light yellow color that seemed to glow with the light of the lamp, it felt so safe here.

I jumped when I heard him clear his throat, turning back to him I remembered that I had come here with reason.

"Undress me," He commanded in a hushed voice. I nodded, walking towards him, I felt myself grow warm in the face and week kneed. With shaky hands I untied his black silky tie, I pulled it off when I had finally managed to untie it successfully. I unbuttoned the pearly buttons, till his shirt was open, I gently pulled it off, my hands rubbing against his shoulders.

He seemed pleased as I knelt down to his pants, I had become more nervous than I had been just a few moments ago. My hands shook more, and I felt so self conscious under his gaze. I pulled his belt off, laying it down to the side, then unbuttoned his trousers, I pulled them down with his boxers.

Everything seemed to be a daze, one moment, it was sweet touches, the next it was brutal thrusts and screams of mixed pleasure and pain. It was the next morning, the sun giving me a headache as I opened my eyes, my lower back was throbbing. I reluctantly sat up, covering myself with the sheet, I turned when I heard heavy footsteps come into the room. I looked up at the man, he was dressed, groomed, and back to what he was when I met him the night before.

I jumped when I felt something light hit me, looking down I saw that it was a wad of fifty dollar bills. I furrowed my brows before looking back up at him.

"It's for last night, is it enough?" I nodded without looking back down at it. He smiled and sat on the bed, kissing me on the lips, he pulled back and began kissing to my ear. With a deep, sultry voice, he whispered in my ear, "I had a good time last night by the way,"

With that said he got up and left, while he had been kissing me he had slipped me his card.

Andrew Enslin

I heard the door shut, that seemed to bring me back to my senses. I jumped out of the bed, throwing the sheet back, I grabbed my black denim skinny jeans, and my dark navy blue jacket and my glasses off the desk. I went to the bathroom and fixed my messy hair, before rushing out of the apartment, I ignored the pain in between my thighs and ran down the stairs, the elevator would take too long. I rushed back home, slamming the door, my body shook violently as I sank to my knees. What had brought me to this desperation, what had brought me to this place?

I buried my face in my knees and sobbed violently, because I knew I was trapped, I was trapped in a world of sex, booze and drugs. I was trapped and there was no way out now.

And like that I was gone, alone with my innocence and the old Matthew.

**I don't know if this is going to be a one or two shot or if I'm going to keep adding chapters. We'll see what the reveiws say.**


	2. Chapter 2

I came home to my apartment, I'm a little tired from my job off the streets, I work as a waiter at a restaurant, it's not much pay, but I do get an ok cut of money out of tips. I closed and locked the door before flopping down on the couch, resting my aching legs. I closed my eyes for a little bit before the phone started ringing.

I sighed and growled a bit in frustration as I threw my legs off the couch, I answered the phone in an aggressive manner.

"Hello?" I ask, annoyed that I had someone call me when I hadn't even been at home for five minutes.

"Hey Matty" The voice I heard on the phone wasn't someone I disliked, or sincerely loved. It was my brother, Alfred, and I knew that before I got off the phone with him I would need a drink.

"Hey Al, what's up?" I ask in a fake cheery voice, already heading for the fridge. I opened it up as he began to talk.

"Francis, Arthur, and me are going to get together Friday night, and we were wondering if you wanted to join us," He said, I rolled my eyes as I grabbed a bottle of rum from the back of the fridge.

"Sure I'd love too," I say, in the same cheery voice. I opened the cabinet over the stove and pulled out a shot glass.

"Great! We're meeting at my house at seven, bring whatever you want," Before I could say anything he had already hung up. I slammed the phone down, my anger was obvious, I sighed and looked at the bottle in my hands. It was cold, but in my hand it was the closest thing to my friend.

I poured it into the small glass, before lifting it to my lips and swallowing it. The burn in my throat was something I had come to love, it was warm and it made me feel so happy. Soon I'm on my way to my seventh drink, and loving the way the couch looks. I mean it's perfect, it's big enough for me to crash on it. It's also really good to store drugs in, just shove it into the cushion and your good.

God rum is so good, it's not as strong as whiskey but it's still pretty good. But soon, I'll be tired and I'll crash somewhere in the apartment, and that's fine with me.

**--**

**Alfred**

It's been a while since I saw my brother, I'll call him but he doesn't answer as much as he used to when he first left. From what I hear when other friends like Ludwig or Gilbert, he usually looks stoned in their point of view. But…that's not Matty, he's a good kid, yeah he's had hard times now and then, but he wouldn't turn to drugs. He's better than that.

I should know, he's been my brother since we were little kids. He was such a timid little kid, but he never did anything violent or anything close to violent. Though…now I am starting to get worried, with what Gilbert and Ludwig said…what if he really is doing things like that…what if he's hurting himself…what if he's…No…He wouldn't do anything like that. I'm just worrying myself.

I sigh, lifting my glasses off my face to pinch the bridge of my nose. I needed to calm down, I'm sure he's fine. In two day, just in two days I'll confirm that he's alright, just…just in two days….

**--**

**Matthew**

Have you ever wanted the week to drag on so you didn't have to face the day you dread most, but instead the week goes by faster than it normally does? That's how I feel, it's Friday night and I'm going over to Alfred's house, somewhere I haven't been in a long time.

As I park my car in the driveway, thoughts race through my mind, should I go ahead and shoot, or drink? That would probably make this night go by fast, but they would know, I'm a different person when I'm high or drunk. I'm emotional, and I depend on my emotions, I let them out when I'm intoxicated, so there's no way, no way in hell that I would be able to do it now.

My heart races as I climb out of the car, slamming the door shut, I don't want to go in, I want stay in the safety of my car. I know that I can't go back now though, and as I walk to the door, I felt something tugging me back, telling me that this wasn't a good idea.

I ignore it and knock several times, trying to tell myself that it was just one night, I always had just one nights, this wasn't any different. Just one night, a few hours at the most, and then I can go home, get wasted and it be the end of it.

"Matty…" I look up, my eyes met with Alfred's, his hair was still cut short with that one hair sticking straight out, he wore a pair of comfortable looking jeans and a black T-shirt under a flannel shirt.

"Hey Alfie," I say, I felt my face burn as he stared at me intensely. His face broke out into a grin as he pulled me into a tight hug.

"It's so good to see you Matty," I heard him say, at that moment, I felt guilt pinch me, and I almost cried in pain.

* * *

**Sorry its so short I'll try and make it longer and more dramatic in the next chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

As Alfred led me into the house, I could tell that he had rearranged some of the furniture and had added a few paintings. On the couch was France who had a glass of wine in his hands, as always, he insisted on having a good quality alcoholic beverage, Arthur was on the floor, sitting cross legged while watching T.V.

"Hey guys, Matty's here!" Alfred said, a little too loudly. I wince from his volume, he doesn't seem to notice as he pulls me towards the couch. Francis and Arthur immediately look up, they both look a little shocked to see me.

"Hey guys," I say quietly, removing my arm away from Alfred's hold. Francis and Arthur stand up but stay where they are, like they think I'll run away if they make a sudden movement.

"M-Matthew," Francis said, obviously shocked at my presence, other than his shocked face, there wasn't much of a reaction. We stayed in an awkward silence for a few moments, till I finally got the hint.

"Right, sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you guys," I say, turning around preparing to leave. Before I could lift my leg I was tackled to the ground by two forces, four arms wrapped around my middle, holding me down.

"No Matthieu, we want you to stay," Francis said, his French accent had lightened up since he had moved to the city, so his English was more understandable.

"Yeah, we haven't seen you in a while so, we were really looking forward to tonight! We just weren't really expecting you to show up!" Arthur said in his still rich British accent that hadn't changed in the slightest. I bet he still drank tea out of expensive tea cups an noon everyday too. Their pleading eyes convinced me to stay, much to my discomfort.

"Alright, alright," I say, smiling forcefully, my cheeks felt like they were going to tear at the bone, "I'll stay,"

They both looked so relieved, climbing off of me and helping me up. I walked with them over to the couch where Alfred had already rested himself, he moved over to the side when Francis sat down at the left side of the couch, leaving me to take the middle space. As I sat down I felt their eyes on me, they all seemed relieved that I was here, like I would disappear if they didn't watch me.

After a few minutes of a cheesy horror movie, we had made our way to the kitchen, the round table left each of us a side. Alfred had brought out the drinks and we began talking, much to my displeasure it was only a few bottles of beer. I drank mine when I would see someone drink so I didn't feel like the only one drinking.

"So he got all pissed at me cause I had told him that he was the one who hit my car! I seriously thought about punching this guys lights out! He was such a douche bag, I mean it's only fair that he take responsibility for hitting another person's car! Am I right?" Alfred went on with his story, I barely paid any attention and finished my drink. I had long since gotten over beer, it didn't give me that buzz like it used to.

"Have you ever been in that kinda position in the city Matty?" He asked me suddenly, I felt my face turn a light red as they all looked at me.

"I don't think I have," I say, grabbing another beer.

"Oh come on! I mean you live in the city, surely you've run into this problem once or twice with your car!" He exclaimed dramatically.

"I don't drive, I walk everywhere, traffic is ridiculous so I don't drive unless I really have to," I say taking a long sip of my drink.

"Tch, figures why you're so skinny," I heard Arthur mumble. I watched as Francis rolled his eyes, obviously annoyed.

"Arthur don't even start, he's been going on this thing where he thinks that he's fat. I mean look at him, he's a freakin' twig! He needs the fat if anything else!" Francis say, reaching over the table to poke Arthur in the stomach. I laughed, I remembered now that they were lovers, it's been a while so I had forgotten about it.

"So what's been going on with you Matthew, we haven't heard from you in a while," Arthur said, I also just remembered that he liked to be in people's business.

"I've been busy with work," I say, lame excuse but whatever gets him off my back. "I've had to work some extra hours at the restaurant,"

"Oh are you low on cash, cause I'd be more than happy to lend you some," Alfred said, I saw Francis also preparing to dig into his pocket.

"No, no! I don't need you guys to lend me anything! I just have to work a little harder that's all," I say, already finished with my second drink.

"Yeah, but you don't talk to us anymore Matthew we've all been a little worried about you since you took off on your own." Francis said sincerely, I felt my face heat up a little, I forced it back down.

"Sorry, like I've said I've been busy," I said, reaching for another drink, I jumped when I felt something hit my hand sharply.

"Slow down on the drinks Matthew, you're already on your third, you'll have to get home somehow," Arthur scolded, he still had his mothering complex.

"Cut the umbilical cord already Arthur, if he needs a ride home then I'll take him!" Alfred said, tossing me another beer. "Have at it Matty,"

I felt relieved and betrayed at the same time. Relieved cause he wasn't keeping it away from me, but betrayed because he was feeding me my addiction. All the same I opened the bottle and began sipping it nervously.

**--Two Hours Later--**

**Alfred**

I carried Matthew in, one of his arms slung over my shoulder as I gripped around his waist. He tumbled over his feet, but I guess after nine beers that tends to do that to some people. He mumbled incoherently as I pushed the elevator button, he almost dropped on me several times when we were just standing, I had to adjust my hold on him several times before the elevator stopped.

I shook him a little, asking which apartment was his, he pointed to the fifth one on the left with a shaky hand. I dragged him over to the door before digging in his pocket for his keys, he giggled childishly and squirmed a little before I found them. I pushed the key into the door, luckily it fit and opened the door with my free hand.

"A…Alf…fred…hahaha…a…are yo…u g…gunna spp…end t' nnnight?" He slurred out, I laughed a little, he sounded so funny when he was drunk.

"I don't know, probably, but why don't you go to bed ok Matty." I said, closing the door behind us, I dragged him to the couch letting him flop down so I could stretch my muscles.

"B…But w..'re'll you…slll…p…?" He was so tired and drunk it was hilarious.

"I'm going to sleep on the couch ok, now come on, let's get you to bed," I said, he began to giggle as I picked him up again. He tumbled over his feet several times before we made it to his bedroom. I took his shoes and his coat off for him before making him lay down, he still laughed as I tucked him in like a little kid.

"What's so funny?" I ask, amused and curious at the same time.

"I…" He hiccups before laughing again it took him a moment to finish his answer, "I h…'ve a se…cr't…" He mumbled before his eyes slid shut, he snuggled into the pillows and was soon out like a light. I raised my eyebrow, a secret? I was curious now, but I knew that I wouldn't get anything else out of him.

I went around the apartment until I found a closet full of towels, washcloths and blankets. I grabbed the nearest one before going in his room and getting the other pillow on the other side of the bed. I stretched a little as a made a little bed on the couch, I took my shoes, jacket and shirt off before laying down on my side.

I shifted several times, unable to get comfortable, it felt like something was poking me in the side. Something small but hard, I pushed my hand down in between the cushions. My Hand rummaged around till I found it, when I pulled it out I felt the color drain from my face.

In my hand, was a small syringe, filled with a clear liquid. At that moment I had found out why my friend, my brother hadn't talked to me in so long.

_In my hand was a syringe of heroine._


	4. Chapter 4

**--Matthew--**

The next morning I had woken up with a hangover, my brain felt like it was pounding against my skull. I groaned, reaching for the bottle of aspirin I kept on the side of the nightstand. My hand roamed over it, knocking over the clock and almost knocking the lamp over, I found it though. I sat up, opening the bottle of pills sloppily. I pulled two of the chalky tasting pills out before popping them in my mouth, they felt like they were scratching my throat as they went down.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair, I'm sure it was badly messy already without my hand going through it. I dragged myself off the bed, my bare feet hitting the cold floor, goosebumps ran up my spine as I pushed myself up. I forced myself to walk to the kitchen, where Alfred sat on the counter. Why was Alfred on my counter? When did he come over…oh yeah last night!

"Hey Al, sorry you had to sleep on the couch, if I had known before hand I would've gotten out the futon," I said going into the fridge to try and find something to eat.

"Yeah…I'm sorry too..." He said in a gloomy voice. I looked at him oddly, wondering what was wrong with him.

"What are you talking about, you don't have anything to be sorry about," I said walking over to him. His light blue eyes looked at me darkly, dark circles were under his eyes making him look a little scary.

He reached into his pocket and slammed his palm down on the counter, never losing eye contact with me.

"Tell me the truth Matthew," I felt my blood run cold, he never used my first name unless it was serious, "What is this?"

When he moved his hand, the syringe I used for my heroine was sitting on the counter. My eyes grew, my heart started pounding in my chest.

"Where'd you find this?" That was all I could muster from my suddenly dry throat. I looked away from him, I don't think I could stand the way he looked at me.

"In the couch," He said stiffly, I felt myself flinch from his tone. A few minutes of silenced passed up, I tried to find the right words but none came to me.

"How long," He finally asked me. I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. When I looked back at him, I felt afraid, his eyes were steely and cold, he jaw was set and he face didn't show much emotion. I jumped to my feet, trying to run to my room to lock myself away, but before I could get to the doorway Alfred had already tackled me.

I struggled from under him, trying to get away, but he was stronger than me and got me on my back with my hands on each side of my head.

_"Tell me!"_ He yelled harshly. I turned my head to the side so I didn't have to look at him, I didn't want him to see me this weak, this fragile. I didn't want him here anymore, I wanted to be alone, I wanted to be locked away in my room, I wanted to be high, I wanted to be drunk. I wanted to be anything that would make me forget about this.

"Matthew!"

_"Just leave me alone!"_ I screamed back, I think I took him by surprise, because when I looked back at him he had looked a bit shocked. "Just leave me alone, leave me alone like you used to,"

My voice was hoarse, and scratchy, I felt hot streams of tears flow down my face. My shoulders shook and I felt so scared, I didn't want him to see me, I wanted to be alone. But no matter what I wanted, my hands were still held down, and I was still being straddled.

"No," I looked up at him when I heard him talk to me so harshly, "Leaving you alone is what got you here! I knew you weren't ready to leave, I knew you weren't ready to be on your own! God, Matthew this is something I never wanted you to be subjected to! I'll call Francis, you're moving back in with us,"

I pushed him off, I had gone from being upset and scared to viciously angry. I glared at him as I pushed myself into a sitting position, I didn't want him to bother me anymore. I wanted to be alone, it's always better when I'm alone, I wish he understood that.

It was my turn to say no, I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to give this up, it was mine, my personal release, my own relief. I didn't want to lose it because he was upset, I wouldn't let him take me away.

"I'm _not_ leaving," I said in a hard voice, "I don't _want_ to leave, I'm not_ going to_ leave. I understand if you're upset Alfred, but_ I'm not giving this up_. I don't want to-"

"Matthew do you even know what your saying!?" He screamed, his eyes bleeding malice, "You want to stay in this shit hole apartment, you want to stay at your shit paying job, you want to live in this self abusing life style! It's not healthy Matthew, it's not safe, and I don't want to lose you to something like this!"

"Something like what Alfred, drugs, booze, _prostitution_? Which is it, cause I'm not ready to give any of it up!" I yell back, several loose strands of hair fell in front of my face.

"Prostitution? God, what else Matthew? Are you selling drugs on the side of all that? Working for the mafia, what? Come on, since we're being so _honest_ with each other!" He yelled back. I felt rage swell even more in my chest, I wish he would leave already.

"Shut up! You don't understand!" I yell pushing past him to go to the kitchen I needed a drink. I pulled out a bottle of vodka from the shelf on the refridgerator, I twisted the cap off hurriedly before drinking it from the bottle, I took it away from my mouth just in time to hear him go on.

"What? What don't I understand?! Cause I'm completely understanding that you're a _drug abusing whore_! Or is there more Matthew, is there more that you'd like to share with me? What do you have a pimp too?!" I felt myself slip out of control as I threw the bottle at him, it barely missed his head as it smashed against the wall. The glass flew in different directions, but neither of us moved from our positions, the alcohol stained the white wall and the glass clattered to the floor.

A tense silence followed, I panted, out of breath from my outrage. My body shook with flowing adrenaline, my eyes never left his as I glared at him maliciously, he glared back with the same rage.

"I'll be back Matthew Williams," He said through clenched teeth, he stormed to the door, throwing it open before slamming it shut, making the apartment shake. As if broken from a spell my body immediately relaxed, I fell against the refrigerator and slid down to the floor. My body still shook but this time it was from the sobs that racked through me.

I pulled my knees to my chest, burring my face in them, my hands gripped my hair as hard as they could. I felt so angry, so lost, so alone, so forgotten.

And like that, I had lost my best friend, my brother.


	5. Chapter 5

**--**

**Alfred**

I felt my hands shake as they gripped the steering wheel, my blood was boiling and my anger was still at high levels. I felt angry, but I didn't know who to blame, there was a reason that Matthew had done this. There is always a reason for actions, but I couldn't understand what had caused this action, this brutal, destructive, lowly reason. All I know now, is that I'm probably the reason for the next time he gets high.

I couldn't stand that thought, it hurt me in more ways than one. I feel so horrible, I hurt him more than I intended to, no I didn't mean to hurt him at all. I wanted to know, I wanted to know and understand what had driven my brother to this. I wanted to, but in the end I was the one calling him a whore. The pain in his eyes didn't seem fresh though, like he knew that that was the name he would be called, or had been called.

As I pull into the driveway, I know that Arthur and Francis are awake by now. I know that I have to tell them now, if I don't, I never will. I turn the engine off, pulling the keys from the ignition, I opened and slammed my door. I had barely gotten out of my car but I had already felt physically exhausted, I walked sluggishly to the door, opening it with more force than needed.

I found them sitting on the couch, Arthur on the side of the couch, covered with a blanket and snuggled into Francis, his body seemed to fit into his perfectly. His legs were over Francis's own, his head laying on his shoulder, Francis holding him from around the waist. I didn't want to ruin it for them, they seemed so content they rarely had many moments like this. I turned and began to walk up the stairs, I needed to sleep anyway since all of last night was spent wondering and thinking.

I open my bedroom door, kicking my shoes off first, I stumbled to my bed before letting my body drop onto the mattress, making the springs creak and a loud thud followed it. I laid there, my head felt as if it was spinning, my eyes felt so heavy, soon I was drifting out of consciousness. The last thing I saw was the picture of Matty and I…

**--**

**Matthew**

I looked down at the syringe, another high, another relief, but the worst part about it is that I could never really forget, it would always come back. Sometimes it was fuzzy, and the memory would be choppy and only certain parts could I remember. I pushed myself up from the corner I had found myself in, I stumbled several times, nearly falling over, but I managed to make it to the bathroom.

I looked in the mirror, my eyes were blood shot and dark circles had found their way under my eyes. My hair was in disarray, it was in knots that I would have a hard time brushing out. I sighed, leaning on the sink with both of my hands, I was always weak after I came down from one of my highs. I turned on the water, splashing my face with it and running a soaked hand through my hair to try and get rid of some of the knots.

I look back in the mirror, my eyes aren't as red but the dark circles remain. I sigh, in luck that today was my day off. I grabbed the brush on the edge of the sink and brushed the knots out, wincing when I had to pull on my hair to get it out. My hair was better afterwards, it was neat and back in its usual style. I jumped when I heard the phone ring, I hurried out of the bathroom, stubbing my toe on the dresser before grabbing the phone.

"H-Hello," I say, holding my injured foot.

"Matthew," My blood felt frozen in my veins, "Its Arthur,"

"Hey Arthur," I say, my voice not as shaky, "What's up?" I try to sound nonchalant, but I can't tell if he's buying it or not.

"Well, Francis and I were hoping you could come over again this weekend. Alfred was really glad that you came buy, he's been a little stressed with work, but since you came buy he seems to be happier." I felt a piece of my heart fall from place.

'Drug abusing whore!'

His words rang out in my ear, my hand shook slightly, I didn't really want to talk anymore.

"Matthew, are you there?" He asks, breaking my chain of thought.

"Yeah…Yeah I'm here," I say quietly, "I don't know if I can this weekend, but I'll see if I can get off early Friday,"

"Alright, I can't wait to see you, Francis says 'Hi' by the way," It seemed like he was trying to change the subject.

"Tell him I said hi back," I looked at the clock, knowing that I had to go, "Sorry Arthur, but I have to go I'll try and see you this weekend,"

"Ok bye,"

"Bye," I hang up quickly, looking at the clock again. I had to go to my other job, it wasn't something I was excited about but it needed to be done. I had a busy day ahead of me.

-**-**

**Alfred**

_I didn't know where I was, around me was luscious green grass, it was summer, the sun high and hot as it looked down onto the Earth. I was in denim shorts and my favorite blue shirt and tennis shoes. This place was familiar, so familiar but I couldn't remember what it was called._

_"Alfred!" I turned to were I heard an all too familiar voice. It was Matthew, he was running towards me, a wide, happy smile on his face. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a red T-Shirt that had his favorite hockey team on it. When he finally caught up with me he had wrapped an arm around my shoulders, asking me what was wrong._

_I said nothing, wrapping my own arm around him, I felt so content as he began to pull me with him. I gasped as we began rolling down the steep hill, my eyes going from the grass to the burning sun, we stopped when we had fell in a ditch. Our clothes were stained, our hair was covered with grass and everything on us was wrinkled and dirty, but we couldn't help but laugh._

_Matthew's eyes were beautiful in the sun, holding a spark in them I hadn't noticed until now. He laid on his back, panting heavily from laughing so hard, his hair was sprawled around his head, his eyes closed but the sincere smile on his face remained. I felt something pull me closer to him, I crawled over to him till I was on top of him, looking down at him, my hands on either side of his face._

_He looked up at me with a confused look, he looked so cute right then, his already red cheeks turned a few shades darker._

_"Alfred," I leaned down, my hands wrapped around him, my face buried in the crook of his neck. His own arms soon wrapped around me holding me just as close, I felt like I was in such bliss, holding him close to me in this place felt surreal, but I didn't want it to go away, even if it was a lie._

_After a few minutes, I pulled back, he looked at me with the same confused look before I leaned down again and placed my lips over his. It wasn't passionate, it wasn't hot or sexy, it was a simple lip lock that had me wanting to cry the waiting tears of joy. We broke away after a minute or two, he smiled at me with such sincerity, the honesty in his eyes made them shine, even if I had blocked the sun from his face._

_"Alfred," His voice made me smile, it was innocent and quiet._

_"Yeah Matty," The knuckle of my hand, brushed his cheek, moving a stray piece of hair._

_"Why won't you save me?" His voice had gone from innocent to cold and hollow. I looked down at him in confusion._

_"What are you talking about Matty, you're safe here," I said, wondering what he was talking about._

_"Why won't you save me?" He asks again, suddenly the bright sun is blocked by pitch black clouds. A roar of thunder and a flash of lightening make me jump up, rain is pouring down and in less than two minutes we're already soaked to the bone. I reach my hand down to help Matty up, but he doesn't move, he just lays there, looking up at the sky._

_"Why won't you save me?" His voice is hollow and echoes I try to get him up but he stays down. He closes his eyes, as a fierce wind blows the hair from his scalp is disappearing turning to dust, soon his skin is disappearing to dust from his head and going down his body._

_I could only watch in horror as my brother's body turned to ash before me, all I could do is watch as his flesh turned to nothing. I fell to my knees when his body was shed of his skin, and his bones had turned to dust. All that was left was his clothes that had become dirty and tattered, I pulled them close, burying my face in them. Anguish began to eat me alive, I didn't know what to do, I couldn't save him. Why couldn't I save him? Why was I so useless? Why? Why!? Why?! WHY!?_

_I let out an animalistic scream, I cursed God, I cursed everything that had taken my brother from me._

--

I shot up, my body covered in sweat, I was out of breath and my heart felt like it would pound out of my chest. I looked around and found that I was still in my room, and I didn't know where Matthew was. I didn't know if he was ok, if he was safe or dead in a ditch.

Suddenly my bedroom door was forced open, I jumped to my feet in surprise. Arthur and Francis stood at the doorway, Arthur already rushing towards me.

"Alfred are you alright? We heard you scream?" I felt my heart beat faster, I began to panic.

"Where's Matthew? Where is he!" I yelled pushing Arthur away from me, I tried to do the same with Francis but he was stronger than Arthur and held me in place. I struggled in vain, trying to get away, but he just kept asking me questions that I couldn't make out.

"I have to see if he's alright! Let me go! I have to make sure he's ok!" I screamed, twisting and turning my body against the tight hold that kept me still.

"Who? Who are you worried about Alfred?" I couldn't tell if it was Arthur or Francis that had asked.

"Matthew!" I screamed, suddenly I felt so weak, my body gave out on my will, it collapsed, had it not been for Francis I was sure that I would've hit the floor fairly hard.

"It's alright Alfred, we got off the phone with Matthew just a little while ago. He's ok, he sounded tired but he's ok," I cried, because I knew the truth, he wasn't tired he was hung over.

"No…" I chocked out, "No he's not ok…"

"What are you talking about Alfred? Of course he is," I heard Arthur say, he had helped Francis hold me up, trying to soothe me with comforting words.

"No…I…" I couldn't say it, I felt so drained and so scared. "I found…found h-heroine…" That was all I could say before I felt myself go back into a fit of sobs. I leaned on Francis, tears still streaming down my face, I couldn't keep myself from falling back asleep. I knew, even as I slept that I felt so nostalgic and mournful, I just wanted my best friend and my brother back, but he was so far out of touch that I don't know if I'll ever get him back.

I just wanted my Matthew in my arms again, I just wanted him home again.


	6. Chapter 6

**--**

**Matthew**

The man in my room began dressing, he was a simple man who had wanted some fun from a stranger instead of his wife in his dying marriage. He handed me several fifties and said his farewells before leaving, my lower body ached and the sheets where dirty. I sighed and reached for the aspirin I kept in the drawer next to the bed, they were convenient for hangovers and sore muscles.

I swallowed two before getting up, limping as I walked to the dresser and pulled out a pair of jeans and the red shirt that had my favorite hockey team on it. The jeans were loose, hugging my hips just right, the shirt was also loose, but very comfortable. I pulled the sheets off and put them in my hamper, reminding myself to it soon as I went to the kitchen. Before I could get to the fridge the phone began ringing for the third time today, I growled in frustration before answering.

"Hello?" I said in my fake cheeriness.

_"Matthew where are you?"_ It was Arthur again.

"I'm at my apartment why?" I asked in confusion.

_"Francis is coming to pick you up,"_ He said in a curt tone.

"Uh…sorry, I'm busy, I just got back from work, I'm having to leave in a few minutes because-"

_"Sorry Matthew but it's an emergency, it's your brother,"_ I felt something cold go through me.

"W-What…?" My voice left me, my body began shaking.

_"He's hurt and we need you to come here in case he doesn't make it,"_ Arthur said it in such a serious voice I had to lean on the counter just to keep myself from toppling over.

"W-When w-w-will F-Fr-Francis be h-here?" I chocked out, tears had already sprung to my eyes.

_"Any minute now,"_ As if on cue the doorbell rang.

"T-That's h-him, I-I-I'll see you a-at th-the house," I said hanging up quickly. My legs couldn't move any faster as I quickly opened the door where Francis stood in the doorway.

"Are you ready?" Was all he asked, and all I could do was nod. He took my hand and was already dragging me down the hall, we didn't stop till we got to the car.

He threw me into the passengers side before going around and getting in on the drivers, he had to buckle me in since I was shaking so badly. He put the car into drive and before we were out of the parking lot he was going fifty miles an hour.

"I-Is he o-ok?" I asked quietly, afraid of the answer.

"I don't know," He said in the same tone. The rest of the ride was quiet, tears were rolling down my face, my body was shaking and racking with silent sobs that I refused to let leave my lips. The car came to a jerking halt as we pulled into the driveway, I unbuckled my seatbelt and jumped out of the car, running into the house.

"Arthur!" I screamed running to the living room where he sat, he had tea laid out on the coffee table. "Where is he!?" I all but screamed.

Arthur didn't answer, he put the cup he was holding down, not once looking up at me. Francis came in behind me, closing the door and coming into the living room and taking a seat next to Arthur.

"What's going on? Where's Alfred?" I demanded, my voice wavering slightly.

"Sit down Matthew," I hesitated but all the same I took a seat on the recliner on the opposite side of the room.

"Matt….Matthieu, your brother is fine, he's upstairs sleeping," Francis said, "We needed you to come here because Alfred told us that he found heroine in your apartment,"

My fear had turned to anger, Alfred told them and now I would be told that I was wrong and confused and that I needed help. I changed my posture, going from slouched over and anxious to straight and rigid.

"Are you using heroine Matthieu?" Francis asked in all seriousness. I felt myself turn cold and enraged.

"And if I am," This was a tone they had never heard me use, it was hateful and malicious but at the same time calm. They both seemed a bit taken back, they expected me to deny it or fall to my knees and beg for help, spilling out all of my sins like a catholic to a priest.

Arthur sighed, burring his head into his palm, Francis got up walking to the side of the room. Silenced lingered for what seemed like hours, Arthur had his head low, trying to figure out what had happened to his son, and Francis stood unable on how to take it in.

"Why…?" Arthur chocked out, his voice breaking, making Francis turn back.

"Why not," I said simply, I had my reasons, reasons that weren't any of their concern.

"That's not an answer Mattheiu," Francis said defensively, I know he's just standing up for Arthur.

"I do it because I have reasons that I don't wish to share, is that alright _papa_," I said, emphasizing 'papa'. He looked away, I couldn't tell what either of them were thinking, truthfully, I don't think I wanted to know.

"What else did Alfred tell you?" I asked monotonously. That's when they both looked at me.

"What else are you doing Matthew," Arthur asked, his voice darker now.

"He's selling himself," We all looked up to the stairs and saw Alfred coming down, his head bowed. Arthur grew pale with what Alfred had just said, turning his head back to me.

"Is that true?" This time it was clear that he was afraid of the answer, his voice shrill. A moment of silence passed before I answered, there was no point in lying now.

"Yes," I said, "I also drink on a daily basis," I said nonchalantly.

Alfred was standing at the foot of the stairs, his head still hung low. I know he wants to speak, I would prefer it if he did, silence is always louder than any spoken word.

"Well Alfred," I said, this time he looked at me, "since you've told them this much, you should tell them about the conversation we had. You know, the one about how I am not going to quit any of it. The one where I said that I made it clear that I'm not getting help, about how I don't need it because I don't have a problem anymore because of the booze and drugs,"

"Matt you know that's a bunch of bull shit! People get help _because_ of alcohol and drugs, we can you help too! We'll be with you all the way Matthew, we'll help you and stand with you. But Matt, you have to let us be able to give you that help," Alfred seemed to come back to life as he continued his little speech. I really didn't want help, I just want them to leave me alone, they've found out and they can't except it. So there would be no reason for me to stay and interrupt their lives with my own fixation.

When he was done, another long anxious silence passed us, it lingered but not as long as it could've been. I stood up abruptly, they all watched as I calmly passed Francis and Alfred, not sparring them another glance, as I went to the door. Before my hand could reach the handle, I felt two strong arms wrap around my midsection.

"Please Matt, don't go, please…we want to help, we will help…just please…please don't go…" These words would cut through anyone's heart and make a person open up and confess everything. I am not that person, I'm not anyone, I'm Matthew Williams, prostitute and part time whore. I hear words like _'I love you,'_ or _'Don't ever leave,'_ and _'Stay another night.'_ When you hear these words from total strangers, it feels good, like someone cares, but in the end, when reality comes, you have to remember that it's all a lie.

I push the arms away, looking back to him from over my shoulder. His eyes where pleading, begging me to stay, to never leave until he was sure that I was going to be ok.

"I don't want help Alfred," The words that fall from my tongue seem to cut him to his core. His eyes went wide, I turned back and opened the door, leaving before anyone else could stop me.

I stopped a taxi hurrying in before Arthur or Francis could rush out to stop me. I told the driver where to go, he simply nodded and drove out of the neighborhood. I watched the passing trees and houses, I starred as everything passed me. But really I knew that it wasn't the trees and houses that where passing, it was my life. My life is nothing, but you never become nothing, you're born nothing.

So the life that passes me, isn't a loss, nor is it a gain, it's a simple life that means nothing as it always will. The car stopped when it came to the entrance of my apartment complex, I paid him the fee, letting him keep whatever change was left. I hurried inside, the skies turning a dark grey, the whether man said that it was going to storm tonight. How ironic.

I stood in the elevator, waiting to reach the third floor, the music was soft as it played. I walked out when it came to a jerking stop, I walked out my steps where silent as I opened the door. I walked through the apartment, looking at all the walls and furniture, it wasn't that bad of a place, more than what some people on the streets have. The answering machine is flashing a red three at me, I press play and listened, the first message was from work, they told me that I needed to come in early tomorrow.

The second was an automatic business operator, I deleted before they could ask if I wanted anything. The third didn't take me by surprise, it was Alfred.

_"Matt, I know that you said that you didn't want any help, but…I mean…I really miss you Matt. We…We've been close for so long, I know that you don't think that this doesn't affect anyone else, but it does damnit, my mind is a mess because it seems like your doing this for nothing. Just…Just tell me why, I know you're just going to delete this, but if you decide to listen this far. If it means anything at all Matt, I love you. And it's because I love you that I want you to come home, or at least understand why you decided to stop loving me."_ Something in me seems to snap, the automatic voice tells me that the message has ended but I couldn't bring myself to delete it.

I ripped the machine out of the wall, throwing it across the room, it clatters to the floor I don't care if its broken or not. I felt everything in me swell, like I was going to burst, unintentionally I screamed, inside of me everything seemed to rattle and shake, I know I'm going to break. It wouldn't matter now if I picked up the pieces, it was too late, I fell to the ground, resting my head on the hardwood floor. My body shook and quivered, this wasn't what I wanted, it never was. I only wanted a release, a way out of reality, a temporary escape from everything. I can't have even that without something going out of place.

I lost everything, and I'm losing myself, or is it already too late to find even that again. I lost Alfred also, and I know that it's too late to find him. It's too late for everything, I don't think even God could save me now.


	7. Chapter 7

**--**

**Alfred**

I sat in my room, covering my face with my hands. It was my fault that he wouldn't get help, if I hadn't been so cruel to him at his apartment…maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe he could be getting himself help, instead of selling himself and hurting his health. God, why couldn't I be a better brother to him, a better friend, or hell a better person.

"Alfred," Francis said through the doorway, he hasn't shown much emotion since Matt left. "Are you alright?"

I felt bad for him, he really cares for Matt but he can't do a thing to help him, at least not until he opens up.

"Yeah…I…I'll be fine," I could tell that he wasn't convinced, he came in, sitting down on the edge of the bed with me.

"Do…Do you know why he…why he does what he does," It was obvious that it was hard for him to talk about it.

"No, I don't…I wish I did, Francis, I really do…I don't think I've helped anything though…In fact I've made it worst…" I said, staring at the floor, but I could tell that he was confused.

"If you hadn't told us, we never would've known until it was too late. The only thing you've done is be a good brother, now that we know, we can try and find out what's wrong with him and help him," He put a hand on my shoulder, guilt swept over me like it had all night. I shook him off and pushed myself onto my feet.

"The night I found out, I was so upset…I didn't know what to think or do. I stayed up thinking, then when he got up the next morning, I didn't know how to ask him. I was so confused, so when I showed him that I found it he tried to run away, I was angry…I yelled at him, then he was yelling at me. Oh god, Francis…I was so angry, I…I called him a whore…I called him several horrible names. I don't even think I was myself when I was yelling, then…then he got mad and threw a bottle at me. W-When I left I could hear him crying from down the hall…" By the time I finished my eyes had begun to sting with tears.

"Alfred…"

"It's my fault now, he said that I should leave him alone like I always do, I-I didn't mean for this to happen…I-I just…" My body shook, the guilt was still washing over me, it took all of my strength not to fall to my knees.

Two arms wrapped around me, I opened my unknown closed eyes, Francis was in front of me, hugging me tightly, reassuringly.

"It's alright Alfred," Was all he said.

**--**

**Matthew**

I sat on my bed, staring blankly at the wall, my body was numb. I had gotten high but it seemed so pointless now, so bland and ordinary. I tried to drink but all it did was give me a headache when I woke up several hours later, the bliss that they had given me had seemed to die. I felt so cold, so lonely, the phone rang constantly, I couldn't find the will to move.

I had been staring into space for well over two hours, it didn't seem to bother me, nothing really did at this point. I didn't move when I heard someone banging on the door, I felt this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness, faces passed through my face.

I pushed myself to the bathroom where I proceeded to puke up anything that I had ingested within the passed few hours had ended up in the toilet. Tears had fallen from my face as I gagged a few more times, empting my stomach completely. My hands shook as I gripped the edge of the toilet, several pieces of hair stuck to my forehead as I tried to recompose myself.

I pushed myself onto shaky knees and stumbled to the sink, I looked in the mirror, it was the same face, the same hair, the same eyes, they were mine. Then again they was a flash of Alfred and I passed through my mind, tears were running down my face rapidly, this wasn't Matthew anymore. I wasn't who I wanted to be, I was a hollowed outline of someone I used to be. I wasn't Matthew Williams anymore; I was this disgusting person who had too much drugs and alcohol.

I threw my fist to the mirror, it smashed to pieces, making skin break on my knuckles as pieces fell into the sink. My hand was bleeding, but at this point I could care less, sobs racked through me, I fell to the ground, still crying. I was stuck now, there was no way out of it, I was in a place that I couldn't get out of, and now there was no one to turn to.

I pulled my knees close to my chest, this wasn't worth it anymore, this release isn't what I wanted anymore. It wasn't strong enough anymore.

I'm empty and alone, and I am nothing, nothing is always nothing. I am a lost body that has no meaning to live anymore, I am the loveless soul that tried to find love and meaning through drugs, alcohol and prostitution. For some, they find it when they surrendered, for others they never find it. I guess I am the one who'll never find it, I am what I am.

The drug abusing whore.

Thank you Alfred, for deeming me with such an honest name, no sarcasm intended. I guess all there's left to do, is take the final step of this pain filled, masochistic journey of nothing.

I'm sorry Alfred, I wish I told you before hand that I loved you. It wasn't meant for me though, find happiness in someone who truly loves you, and cherishes you, and do the same for them.

* * *

_Sorry it's so short, I made it a few hours ago then feel asleep at the keyboard, so I decided to post this before I went to school, please review and put up a longer chapter next time._


	8. Chapter 8

_Sorry the chapter is so late, I hope it's long enough to make up for it's tardiness, I would like to thank the people who have inspired me to write this chapter: schoolgirl-cheesesculpture (love the creativness), my friend, and Bach and his music. Enjoy the chapter and please reveiw._

_--_

**Matthew**

I sat on my bed, my knees pulled to my chest, my head hung low. I had tried to get high again, I had the same results, it wasn't enough. Pain, it went through me, pulsing through me like the blood in my veins. I couldn't tell if it was an emotional or physical pain, all I knew at the moment was that I wanted it to end.

I had tried to call Arthur, or Alfred, but every time I tried to dial their phone numbers I felt an uneasy guilt go through me and I would put it back on the receiver. I had put them through so much, I let them find out about my self abuse, and even when they went out of their way to reach out and help me…all I could was cower back into my hole and continue on with my sins. I was so cold, so hardhearted and obdurate towards them, there was no way that I could simply call them and ask if now they could help me because I was so used to the drugs that I just didn't feel them anymore.

I push myself onto my feel, my legs hurt from staying tucked into me for so long, I walk over to the window, it was late afternoon, the beginning of evening. The sun had only started to set, the street lights hadn't come on yet but the sky had seemed to be painted in colors of orange and pink. I watched as a couple of kids played on the street, their parents coming out to tell them to come in, I felt familiarity come over me. Images passed through my mind, Arthur telling us to come in for dinner, Francis playing games with us when it would rain.

Tears surfaced in my eyes, these weren't my memories, these were the memories of Matthew Williams, innocent, pure, sinless, vindicated Matthew. I wasn't that person, I was the sinful, vindictive version of the same person. I leaned on the window as tears cascaded down my face, I slid down the wall, sitting on my knees. I ran a hand through my hair, looking around my apartment all I could thing was; how did it get this bad?

How did I ruin all the chances I had for myself, why did I let everything I ever once held so dear to me go down the drain and slip out of my reach. I couldn't sob, my throat was too sore for to do so, my eyes felt sore as more tears gathered and trickled down my cheeks. There was no point anymore, I had let everything pass me, I let it all go, I didn't have a home anymore, this place was just a prison that kept me bound to all my horrors and faults.

On shaky, weak knees I stumbled to the coffee table, there was a drawer on the side, I pulled it open. Inside, a dark, shiny gun set on the wooden surface, cocked and loaded, ready to fire. I pulled it out, its coldness spread against my hand, the handle rough against my palm. I checked the magazine, bullets where in place, I pulled them out, leaving just one in the barrel. I closed the drawer and sat on the couch, my fingers ghosting over the small deadly device.

I begin to shake, I don't know what to do, should I do it, is it right? Images of Arthur, of Francis, of Alfred run through my mind, all the pain I've put them through, all the hurt I caused them, the very least I could do is take the only problem they have left away.

**--**

**Alfred**

I pull into the parking lot, immediately stopping the car, I yank the keys out of the ignition hurrying out of the car. I run and stumble into the building, I don't stop till I reach the elevator. I can't stop shaking, I hadn't been able to reach Matt in days, fear had swelled in me till it had reached a sudden panic. I paced in the small space, patting the side of my knee in habit to try and calm myself, I almost jumped out of the elevator when it stopped. I hurried down the hallway, banging on Matthew's door.

"Matt, Matt are you there?" I yell as I hit the door with the palm of my hand. "C'mon Matty open the door," I almost plead. I placed my ear to the door, listening for any sign that he's there, for a moment I don't hear anything, but the sound of something shuffling lets me know he's there.

"Matt? Matthew come on, open the door Matt!" I yell banging harder. I wait five more minutes, I know that he's not going to let me in on his own, I back away a couple of feet before slamming my foot into the door. At first it doesn't budge, making me growl in frustration, I do it once more, the door slams open, banging against the wall.

I walk in, looking around just for a moment before finding Matthew on the couch, facing the away from me. I shut the door, which surprisingly didn't fall off the hinges, before hurrying over to Matt.

"Matt, why didn't you let me in, I was yelling for you to let me in for almost ten minutes!" I exclaimed, stopping a few feet away from him. He doesn't look up, his head is hung, it looks like he's holding something against his stomach.

"Matt? You ok?" I say taking a step or two towards him, he doesn't seem to notice. "Matt," I place a hand on his shoulder, he shakes it off, scooting a little ways away from me.

"Please don't touch me," I could almost shiver at the emotionless tone. He doesn't move from his position, as I take a seat next to him.

"Matthew, is something wrong, did something happen," For a moment he doesn't do anything, he remains unmoving, before I can ask him twice he stands, walking a few feet away from me.

"Alfred, I'm so sorry," He says in the same hollowed voice. I don't respond, I keep my mouth shut, I wait for him to continue.

"I've been so cruel to you and Arthur and Francis, I know you guys just wanted to…wanted to help," His voice cracks at the last part. "But, I guess that was no excuse, I should've been so much nicer, at least decent towards you…"

I watch as his shoulders begin to shake, relief is coming over me, he finally sees that this is wrong, he'll come home.

"I'm so sorry…I caused you and the others so, so much pain, when all you wanted to do is spare me of my own." I stand with him, but I stay at the edge of couch.

"Matthew, it's alright, I know you were going through a rough time. It's ok now, we can fix all of this, we can get you help, and we'll stand by you through it all and we'll even help in any way we can," I watch as his hair sways side to side in a negative manner.

"It's too late Alfred," He says, "It's too late for help, I ruined everything, I don't have a future, I ruined it," I furrow my brows, wondering what he's saying.

"What? No Matt, nothings ruined, we can still fix this, it can still be ok," I say taking a step towards him, he moves forward some more before turning towards me. His arms unfold, in his hand something shiny is aiming towards his head.

"No, nothing can be fixed Alfred, I've damaged everything, I hurt too many people, it's too late to save me," Cold fear crashed down on me.

"Matthew, stop! Please, put the gun down!" I yell in panic, "Please stop! Look everything you've done, it can fixed! I promise, I'll help you fix it! Just, oh god, please, please just put the gun down!"

"I can't, I have to pay the price, I've tarnished and hurt too many things and people, including you, the very, very last person I ever wanted to hurt." I can't find my voice as he continues, "I love you, Alfred, I love you so, so much. I love you more than as a friend, I love you more than as a brother, I love you with my heart and soul. Yet…yet I hurt you, you suffered because I was so lowly that I did these things to me." Tears form in his eyes, I felt such a strong urge to wipe them away, but I kept my distance.

"I let other men touch me, I let them soil me, fuck me, but all the while I wanted it to be you. All the men that held me, and would whisper these nothings into my ear, I would pretend that it was you. I love you, Alfred, I have and possibly always will but…but I have to pay the price for my own faults and sins."

It was my turn to cry, my brows furrowed, I shook my head as I began to speak. "It doesn't have to be this way, I can help you Matthew, I can save you, you don't have to pay a price like this." I take another step closer. "I love you too, but Matty, your just hurting me more if you do this, please," I extend my hand towards him.

"Please, don't do it, please, I'll help you, I can help you fix everything, but Matty, sweet Matty, don't leave me like this," He starts crying a little harder, I can tell that he's falling apart. Slowly, so slowly he lowers the gun, and reaches his hand towards me. When our hands barely touch is when he falls to his knees, sobbing uncontrollably, the gun sliding away from him. I drop to my own knees and push the gun farther away and wrap him in my arms, holding him tightly, so tightly. I silently pray, thanking whoever it was that showed my brother the light, that made him put the gun down.

He sobs into my chest, and I can only cry with him, running my hand through his hair, kissing the top of his head, and whispering mumbles of 'I love you' and 'Thank god'. I cradle him against me, rocking us back and forth, till we've both calmed down. He's still gasping light sobs, and shaking profusely, but he calmed down some. I gathered him in my arms, picking him up and carrying him out the door. I grab his keys and lock the door, still holding him, and then I carry him down to my car, not once ever thinking of putting him down, until he was seated in the passengers seat of the car.

I buckled him in and got in myself, I started the engine and drove out of the parking lot. All the while, one the way to my, our home, I held his hand, lacing my fingers with his. I don't let go until we've parked in the driveway, only then do I let go. It doesn't take but just a minute before he's back in my arms, I carry him inside, where Arthur and Francis see me holding him. I give them a look that tells them to wait on the questions as I continue my way up the stairs. I open my bedroom door, and I lay him down on my bed, it's big enough for the both of us.

I take off his shoes and his jacket, before I place him under the sheets. I sit with him, running my hand through his hair, and then tracing his face, his hand covers mine.

"Alfred…" I lean down, close to him, and lightly, softly I kiss his lips. Even when my lips reside, I keep my forehead on his.

"It's ok now, Matthew, it's ok now," I whisper to him, he closes his eyes and lightly, barely noticeably, he smiles.

_With that, with simply that, everything feels like it's falling back into place._


	9. Chapter 9

_it's a little short but I really wanted to publish it. Read and review please~ _

_Inspired by: Top Of The World-Dixie Chicks (yes it's a very old singing group but I listened to the song while writing this)  
_

**--**

**Alfred**

I didn't get a wink of sleep that night, I couldn't, my mind was hazy and I found myself drifting in and out of my senses. My mind would lead me to questions, why hadn't I done something sooner instead of being angry, why didn't I stay with him, stop him sooner, but I always brought back to the present, with Matthew laying in my bed, sleeping fitfully. His face would go from content to a fearful expression, mumbling incoherent words.

I couldn't do anything, I had tried waking him but it ended in him becoming more restless, I found that simply wrapping my arms around his body, or merely whispering that he was safe would have him back at a peaceful slumber. I watched him throughout the night, afraid that if my eyes closed for too long that I would wake to find it all had been a dream. I didn't want that, I wanted him to truly, truly be here, to be here with me, in my arms, in my bed. Thinking this was enough to keep me up for hours, I stayed up till the first morning light had begun to show through the curtains and spill into the room.

Through the dark hours I had kept my eyes open, the lightening sky, the shades of purple and bright orange mixed together. I watched as the sun continued to rise, my eyes getting heavier with the passing minutes, soon I had closed them, slipping into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

**--**

**Matthew**

When I woke, the sun was high, its light spilling into the room and onto my face. I squinted my eyes till they had gotten used to the brightness, slowly, I pulled myself into a sitting position, stretching my aching muscles. I looked around, remembering that I wasn't in my own room, no, I was in my brother's room, Alfred's room. I looked down and found him sprawled out, sleeping soundly, I couldn't stop the slight smile that came to my lips. I forced it down quickly before grabbing my glasses off of the nightstand, I hurried out of the bed and closed the curtains, blocking out the sunlight so Alfred could sleep without disturbance.

I hurried down stairs, hoping that Arthur and Francis were still asleep in their own room. I realized that lucky wasn't on my side as I entered the kitchen, were they both sat at the table.

"Morning," I said, clearing my throat so my voice wouldn't be so raspy, "Morning," I said more clearly.

They both looked up, saying good morning, before going back to what they were doing. I brushed it off, hoping that neither of them saw me come in with Alfred last night. I helped myself to some coffee, before sitting on the far side of the table. I sipped it awkwardly, the tension in the room increasing with each passing minute. I almost jumped when I heard Francis sigh, abandoning the paper he was reading, he looked at Arthur who had turned his head to the side, before looking at me.

"Mattheiu…last night…what happened?" He asked, I could tell that he felt just as awkward about this as I did. I took a long sip of coffee before answering.

"I…" I looked down at the coffee, it was black and the steam of it's heat rose and hit my face, making my cheeks go red. I sighed, lowering my head so my hair covered some of my eyes, I nibbled on my lip for a moment before speaking.

"I owe you both an apology," I said, not looking up, but I could still feel both of their eyes on me, "I was…I was cruel to you. I made you go through hell, when all you ever wanted to do was help me. I never, ever meant for this to go as far as it did, but it went beyond the point of repair and before I even knew what had happened, I was drunk or high at any moment I had." I cleared my throat again, I could tell that it was going to crack or fail me soon.

"I'm not better, in fact I'm far from, but…" I clenched my hands into fists, my nails digging into my palm, "but I…I think I'm ready to get help,"

A few moments of silence followed, I could feel their eyes on me, watching me with every passing moment. I felt so scared under them, so scared of their reactions, would they let me be in their lives now? Would they throw me out? So many unanswered questions came flooding into my mind, making me all the more nervous.

"What…What made you decide that you wanted help," Arthur asked, his voice straining. I licked my dry lips before I spoke.

"L-Last night…I tried to get high, but when I came down…I don't know…I felt so alone…for a few days I wanted…wanted to call you but I just couldn't…"Tears were streaming down my face, I swallowed down a sob before continuing, "I felt so…I felt alone…I had hurt you and I didn't expect you to l-let me back in with open arms…I was so alone…I was alone and cold…I'm sorry…I'm so, so sorry," I said as I began to shake. "I gave up…I gave up on everything last night…and I wanted to go back and fix everything but…I-I couldn't. I let you, Alfred and everyone down….I never meant to! Oh god…I-I don't….I don't know how it got this bad, b-but I never wanted this!" I cried, unable to stop the sobs that escaped my lips.

As I cried, I closed my eyes, clenching them shut, I didn't want to see their disappointed faces as I confessed everything. My eyes opened back up when I felt two arms wrap around me, holding me close.

"It's ok now, Matthew," Arthur's thick English accent felt so homey, so safe as I buried my face into his shoulder, sobbing like I was a little kid again, hoping that my parents would take care of me.

**--**

**Arthur**

As I held my son, my dear son close to me, I couldn't help but to cry with him, I could hear his agony as he told us about his pain. I held him tight, unable to hold back the tears that followed his. I felt so bittersweet, the pain and hurt of my son was overwhelming, but I couldn't help but find the good out of it.

I had my son back, my son, my sweet little Matthew, was back home, back in my arms like he was five again. I stroked his head, telling him that it was ok, it felt like I was saying it more to myself than I was to him. That was ok though, because our mixed up puzzle of a family was being put back into place.

**--**

**Francis**

I could only smile, tears had surfaced my eyes but I held them in. The feeling of absolute joy came over me, and I could tell that Arthur was happy too. We found our missing son, and now all was well. We both knew that we had a few more hard comings to face, and getting Matthew well wasn't going to be easy in the least. But he was home, and we could face those hard comings when it came time, right now though, I think that we could just take in the happiness we had while we had it.


	10. Chapter 10

_Warnings: This chapter may suck ass, excuse it please and review_

_Inspired by: The lovely and very appreciated reviews, and Hypnogaja's song Misery  
_

**--**

**Matthew**

The past days passed smoothly, I didn't move out of my apartment yet, I wanted to have it for when I got better and went out on my own. I stayed close to my fathers and Alfred, ever since I talked to them, how it turned into a tear fest I'll never know, but we were so close now. Like how we used to be, it was nice, I felt so safe there, so secure, still for some reason Alfred had been acting weird. He would hold me really tightly when we went to bed, and would sit really close to me, and when Arthur and Francis would leave…it just seemed like he wanted to say something but kept it in.

It got annoying sometimes, when he would really look like he wanted to talk, or when he would hold me tighter than normal, it just felt like he was leaving me with unanswered questions. Questions without answers, are like answers that have no questions, their annoying and bothersome.

Besides that, it's been two days since my last shot, my last drink, and my last fuck. It was the third day when everything came crashing down, I had woken up to a craving. The craving. Heroine.

I didn't want to move, my mind was hazy and I felt like my arms were a thousand pounds each. It took all I could to move, I felt so cold, the blankets didn't help. I felt as though it was below zero, my body shook, I managed to pull my arms and legs up to curl myself into a ball, trying to find any source of warmth. The coldness and heaviness lasted a few hours, I managed to fall into a restless sleep, still shivering. It was only when Alfred came in to check on me did he see me like that, his touch was like a stove eye on high.

I jumped from his touch made me jump up, the heaviness had subsided but the sudden movement had made me nauseous. I pushed passed him, barely making it to the bathroom where I spilled all of anything I had eaten within the passed twenty four hours. Once my stomach was empty, I leaned against the wall, tears had surfaced my eyes, my breath was heavy, and I was still freezing. I barely moved when Alfred came in with a blanket, wrapping it around me and holding me close to him.

My body shook as sweat formed on my forehead, my mind was fuzzy and I felt so out of it, I could barely understand what Alfred was saying.

"Do you need something to drink," It took me a few minutes to register the question. I shook my head, leaning against him, he felt so warm compared to a few minutes ago.

"I…" I tried to clear my voice, "I just want to go lay down," And I failed. He nodded, picking me up in his arms, I felt so small against him as he carried me to the bedroom. He covered me with several other blankets, before taking some sort of clothe and wiping the sweat off of my forehead.

When I managed to open my eyes, I saw myself in his glasses, I looked so pail, so frail, like a cancer patient. My lips so dry, my eyes felt like they were tearing up again, Alfred didn't say anything as I turned my head away, for the first time since I had started drinking and using drugs, I felt so ashamed. I shut my eyes, trying to hold in my tears, I failed, they fell down my face, staining my abnormally pale face. I opened my eyes again when I felt Alfred's hand caress my cheek, wiping the tears away.

"It's ok Matthew," He said, I looked back to him, he had a warm, a sincere smile on his face. Though I really wanted to believe him, I wanted to believe that everything would be ok after this, I knew it wouldn't be.

**--**

**Alfred**

I watched as more tears fell from his face, he looked like a porcelain doll, his hair sprawled out around his face, pieces of it sticking to his face, his lips, like his skin, had turned pale and chapped. His eyes were wet and pink, he was so weak, so tired looking, and all I could do to help him was sit and watch.

I stroked his cheek, he didn't seem to mind as his eyes slipped shut, I held back my own tears. I felt so useless to him, he looked like he was dying and I couldn't help him in any way that would matter.

"Alfred," Matthew's raspy voice broke through my thoughts.

"Yes, Matty?" I asked almost too eagerly, ready to be at his beckoning call.

"Please don't cry," He said simply, "I don't want you to be here if you're going to start crying,"

I felt a little offended, how could I not cry with my brother in the condition he was in.

"Do I not have that right? To cry for my brother when he's in pain?" I asked, keeping my voice calm.

"Yeah, you have the right, but I don't want you to cry," He tried to clear his throat before continuing, "I know you, you're trying to be a big help, you can do that by not crying. I've seen too many tears in the passed few weeks than I ever have in my lifetime. I don't need tears Alfred, I need stability, and I need you to help me be strong," I felt my eyes grow, though his voice was weak and hoarse, his words sounded so bold.

I wiped my eyes before smiling down at him, I nodded, he closed his eyes but smiled back none the less. "Thank you," He whispered.

I laced my fingers with his hand, laying down beside him, I stayed with him till he was asleep. I went downstairs and made some lunch for the both of us, a simple chicken noodle soup for him, I didn't want him to eat anything heavy yet, and a grilled cheese for myself.

I ate downstairs in silence, hoping that Arthur and Francis would be back soon to take away the quietness. I managed to finish my simple meal within a few minutes, I looked up the stairs, listening to the silence before going back up. I wasn't surprised to find Matthew still asleep, but he seemed so restless, his facial expression kept changing, his legs and arms would twitch, his breathing was heavy.

I took a seat by the bed, afraid to go back downstairs and find that he needed help and I wasn't there to do anything. I fought the urge to wake him, he seemed to be deep in sleep yet restless at the same time. I jumped out of my seat when his body shot up, he was panting heavily, his body shaking violently, his eyes wide and fearful.

"Alfred!" He screamed, scrambling to his feet, he didn't seem to see me, even when I tried to reach out to him he rushed passed. I followed behind him, but stopped at the stairs, he was looking around, shouting my name, I felt so confused.

"Alfred, Alfred, Alfred, Alfred!" He was rushing through the house, pushing things out of his way, something stopped me from telling him that I was there. I could only watch as he continued to tear through the house, looking for what was right in front of him.

"Matt," I say, he doesn't seem to hear as he continues to shout my name. "Matt," I say again, coming down the stairs. He finally turns towards me, immediately wrapping his arms around me.

"Where were you Alfred, I couldn't find you," He says like a mother who found her missing child.

"I…I was upstairs," I said, he didn't respond, holding on to me like I was his lifeline. I pulled away a little, just enough for him to look at me.

"Why don't you go back to bed, you seem really tired," I said, he nodded but insisted that he wasn't sleepy. The moment he hit the pillow he was back to his fitful sleep, kicking and mumbling.

I waited downstairs for Arthur and Francis, I had to tell them that he needed professional help, real help that we couldn't give him. I hated that, I know that they will too, but Matthew won't get better sitting around here and being tempted. I buried my face in my knees, I was useless to my brother, I was pathetic, I vowed to help him through any mess he led himself into, I promised to always be there, I swore to be the best big brother and friend. Looking back, I don't think I every prepared myself for this, I always expected to beat up some kids who were harassing him, or be there when he needed a couple of bucks for rent, this though…I don't know how I could help him with his, but…but I had to try. If anything I had to try my damnedest to help him through this, no matter…no matter how painful it'll be on both parties.

_I have to help him through this, no matter what happens._


	11. Chapter 11

_Ok I know you guys wanted a relapse with Matthew, there'll be more graphic relapses later on, just bare with this for now, please read and review cause good reviews made me smile lots : D~_

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**Matthew**

I sat in the bed for several hours, I was tired, so tired, but no matter what I did I couldn't go back to sleep. My craving went to heroine to alcohol quickly, my throat felt so dry, but the drink I wanted, needed, was out of reach. I felt so cold and alone in the room, I felt like I was the only one in the house.

I rose to my feet, my balance wavering as I walked over to the window. When I was young, and I tried to look out the same window, I often had to use my brother's chair just to get a peek outside. Now, at the age of twenty two, I could see out the window with no trouble at all, despite the few inches of difference in our height. I look outside, the sun is bright, almost blinding, looking around everything feels so familiar, but so sad. I destroyed this, I hurt my family, how could I do that to them, I can't stay. I can't stay here…

**--**

**Alfred**

I woke up on the couch, my back and neck throbbing as I sat up straight, my joints noisily popping as I did. I looked at the clock finding it to already be four o'clock, I'd been asleep for three hours? Weird, I had never taken that long of a nap. I pushed myself up stretching out before heading upstairs to check on Matthew.

"Matt, are you ok?" I asked as I open the bedroom door. I felt myself grow cold, having to lean on the doorframe to keep from falling.

The bed was empty, perfectly made with no sign of anyone ever touching it. My hands shook as I held onto the frame, my knees threatening to give out from under me. My chest felt tight and my throat felt dry, I ran to the rest of the rooms, checking the bathrooms, all of the bedrooms, even the closets.

"Oh god…" I covered my mouth with my hand when more horror hit me.

The gun was still at Matthew's apartment.

**--**

**Matthew**

I opened the door to my apartment, looking around I could hardly believe that I had been gone for days. Everything was still in good condition, I walked to the bedroom, everything felt so new, yet familiar. I went to the kitchen, checking the fridge making sure that nothing had expired and everything was in check, no one had broken in or anything.

I walked to the living room, shivering as I was hit with another cold flash. I sat on the couch, rubbing my arms with my hands. I laid back, before digging my hand into the couch, searching around before I found the object of my desire.

A syringe, a lovely little sharp needled syringe, filled to the tip top with heroine. My sweet savior.

**--**

**Alfred**

I jumped into the car, starting it up before hurrying out of the neighborhood, going around seventy miles an hour as I hurried into the city. My hands shook at the wheel, it'd be another five minutes with the speed I was going, I tried to calm myself but the adrenaline that pumped through my veins kept me all but calm.

The tires of the car squeal as I slam on the breaks as I find a vacant parking spot, quickly I scramble out of the car, slamming the car door shut before running into the building. By the time I get there the elevator has already closed, a couple disappearing behind the doors, I growled in frustration, glaring at the dirty finger smudged doors before hurrying to the stairs.

I run up the stairs, running up several flights before finding the third floor, I slam the door open, almost leaving a hole in the wall. I run to Matt's apartment, banging almost savagely on the door.

"Matt! Matthew open this goddamn door!" I scream, banging even harder, making one of the neighbors come out, a middle aged woman came out from several doors away.

"Will you hush, I just put my son to sleep! I don't want your ranting to wake him up!" She hissed.

I ignored her banging harder on the door, "Are you listening to me!?" She yelled angrily. I turned to tell her to shut her mouth when I got a look inside her apartment, a large knife like a pick was on the counter. I pushed her out of the way as I grabbed the narrow knife from inside her apartment, obviously not pleased with my actions she began to try and beat my back with her fists, demanding why I was so brash and rude etcetera.

I jammed the knife between the door and the wall, having to fiddle with it for just a moment before it popped open. While the woman was still raving I put the knife back in her hand, not really knowing how safe it was with how angry she looked. I slammed the door in the woman's face, silencing the rest of her rant, but not before tactfully telling her to shut her mouth.

I looked in the apartment finding Matthew in the corner of the room, obviously startled with the sudden intrusion. I walked over to him, grateful that he's safe, but my anger quickly returns from its brief break. I choke on my words, I wanted him to know that I was angry but not enough to chase him away again.

"Matthew," I struggle to keep calm, my anger slipping through the cracks of its control, "…why?" Is all I can force out without losing my head.

He doesn't move, looking away, his bangs covering his eyes, his shoulders tense. He bits his lower lip, his eyes shifting from one side of the room to the floor.

"I…" He stops, trying to prevent his voice from breaking again, "I wanted…I really needed to get high…To get drunk, anything, I really wanted it…I felt so miserable without it, you saw me Alfred, and I can guarantee you that I felt worst than I looked," His dull blue eyes still wouldn't look at me, looking anywhere but actually.

"Did you," I ask, forcing my teeth to unclench. It took him a few minutes before he answered.

"I only had a few shots of vodka," He mumbled out, but I heard him. I didn't say anything, I didn't move, his eyes finally looking back at me. "I needed it Alfred-"

" No you didn't!" I scream, slamming my fist to the wall, leaving a fist sized hole. "You didn't need it, you wanted it, there's a difference Matthew!" He looks down again, his eyes becoming dull behind his glasses.

I sigh, running my hands through my hair, walking a few feet away before sighing. Looking back at him his eyes casted towards the floor, his hair was messy, and his clothes were wrinkled, he had come here in a hurry. I close my eyes looking away, I lick my lips as I lean against the wall, I didn't know what to think of the situation. Should I be mad, should I be disappointed, or should I just be glad that he's ok? I looked back at him before extending my hand in his direction, he looked up, confused.

"Let's just go home," I say, he nods and takes my hand, letting me lead him out of the apartment. He didn't respond as we made our way to the car, he got in without a fight, buckling his seat belt as I started the car up again. The ride home was excruciatingly long and quiet, neither of us making a sound, the only sound in the car was the radio that we could barely here.

I watched Matt from the corner of my eye, he shifted in his seat, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. I looked back at the road, trying my hardest to concentrate on getting home, but my mind continued to drag me into unwanted thoughts. I shook them off, hoping that they'd stop till we reached the house.

As we pulled into the driveway, Matthew had already begun to unbuckle his seatbelt, before I could even put the car in park he was already out of the car, hurrying towards the house. I sat in the car for a few minutes, folding my arms on the steering wheel and resting my head on them, closing my eyes I let my mind momentarily wander on everything that had happened in the passed few weeks. So much in so little time, sometimes if felt so overbearing, opening my eyes and looking back at the house, I could only imagine what kind of hell Matthew was going through. I rubbed my head with the back of my hand before unbuckling my seatbelt and hesitantly going back into the house. Where I found Francis, Arthur and Matthew in the living room, turning back towards me when I came in.

"Alfred…where were you two?" Arthur asks like he knows what had happened. Looking at Matt, who looked ashamed and scared all at the same time, then looking at Alfred, who had a stern look on his face that demanded the truth. Sighing, I did the only thing I could do at the moment.

"We went to his house to get some of his clothes, someone broke in and took everything. We came back to call the landlord to get a different lock and door, since I left my cell phone here," I said, pointing to my phone, which was resting on the coffee table. Arthur eyed us again for a few minutes, seeing through my lie, luckily, today he let it go, nodding before hesitantly, almost cautiously moving to the kitchen, Francis following behind him.

Matt looked at me, opening his mouth to ask the obvious question, I cut him off, already knowing my answer.

"It would be annoying for the both of us if Arthur found out what really happened, but this is a one time deal Matthew. Once is it, next time they will find out, and I won't be there to bail you out again," I said this almost too bluntly, I could only see a bit of hurt in his eyes as I passed him, marching up the stairs.

I didn't stop till my bedroom door was closed and safely locked, I leaned against the wooden surface, my pent up frustration and fear could be let out in privacy. I slid down, pulling my knees to my chest, gripping my hair and pulling at it, tears of all these emotions spilled from my eyes, dripping onto my glass lenses from looking down, then sliding off to hit the denim of my jeans.

All the years of being a _good brother_ seem to have been an absolute waste now. I failed him, I couldn't even keep him from leaving the house and drinking. I felt so angry, but who to blame my anger on confused me. Should I blame Matthew for leaving in the first place, Arthur or Francis for not being here, or myself for being so careless? I didn't know, making my frustration grow, which then made my head hurt. I was confused, I didn't know what to do, I still don't know what to do.

Maybe it's not that Matthew did anything, maybe it's that I failed him as an older brother. I failed to protect him from all the evils that I vowed to keep away from him, I failed to watch after him and show him the way to a better life. I failed, not only as a brother, but as the man I had claimed so many times to be.


	12. Chapter 12

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**Arthur**

I sat in the kitchen, leaning against the sink, looking out the window as I did. Outside was a swing that hung from a high tree branch, the old ropes swayed as the wind blew outside, making the wide wooden seat move with it. I looked at the clock, it was only nine thirty-ish, I pushed myself away from the sink and headed towards the back door. The screen door slammed behind me, bouncing before closing completely, I walked off the porch and to the swing, my feet tickled when they touched the cool grass.

As I sat on the swing, it's ropes creaking a little as I do. I let the cool autumn wind come and push me, making me sway with it, my feet barely touching the ground as I pull them up slightly. I looked around the empty dark yard, so many, many memories. I swing my legs back and forth, making the swing move slightly as my mind drifted into the depths of long ago memories.

Looking around I could practically see everything before my eyes, Alfred and Matthew playing tag, Francis joining in as I watched from a distance. They would drag me in somehow though, tackling me and playing whatever innocent game would come into their minds. They were so cute back then, they were so close, we were so close. Those days passed us far too quickly than I even imagined them to.

Another memory was when we would have their birthday parties on the same day, they would have so much fun. There was one year when they threw chunks of cake at each other, in the end their faces and clothes were stained with icing and cake, but smiles remained on their faces, even as I scolded them.

I jump as two arms wrap around my middle, making the swing stop, keeping me in mid swing. I looked to my right, finding Francis laying his chin on my shoulder.

"What are you thinking of mon amour," His French accent was husky in my ear, making a shiver go up my spine.

"Just reminiscing," I reply coolly, he nuzzles my neck, his whisker like hairs scratching my skin, "You need to shave again," He chuckles.

"I thought you didn't like it when I shaved. If I remember correctly, before we adopted those two, you used to find my whiskers sexy," His lips make their way to my ear, I lean against his touch.

"Stop it Francis, we can't do it out here," He only seems to be paying minimal attention as he kisses behind my ear.

"The children are asleep, we should get to bed ourselves," As innocent as the sentence may look, it was heavy with a suggestive manner that sent shivers up my spine. I lean back, holding onto the thick ropes as I place my lips over his. He tightens his grip around me to keep me from moving at all. Our lips overlap each other, just teasing each other with tenderness and caring touches. Soon my hands lose their grip on the rope and find their way to the Frenchman's hair, gripping it firmly to keep him close.

Our tongues move out, twisting and turning with each other, the sound of our lips smacking together and our heavy breathing was all we could hear. Soon our kisses become more heated, and he manages to move me from the swing to the tree, his hands caressing my neck as he pulls me into another kiss. I wrap my arms around him, holding him closer to me as his hands snake their way down my body, tracing my frame with greedy hands.

I gasp loudly as those hands grabbed my back side tightly, his tongue roaming over my mouth and playing with my own tongue. My face is burning red, and the heat between us isn't helping in the slightest as he grinds his hips onto my own. The sweetest friction causes a spark that seems so unrealistically pleasurable through the denim of our jeans.

"Fran…Francis we need…we need to go inside," I gasp out as he places feathery kisses on my neck and trails upward.

"Too far," He said in between the kisses, his hands holding me against him firmly.

"W-We'll g-get caught i-if we st-stay out here," I stutter between words, trying not to let my voice crack between my words.

Before another word can pass through my lips we're running inside, up the porch and slamming into the kitchen, continuing our kisses as we stumbled to our room down stairs. We flopped down onto the bed, our hands roaming about each other's bodies. Francis's mouth traveled to my neck again, sucking where you could feel my pulse beating rapidly. I squirmed the ticklish and pleasurable sensation running through my body like little bits of electricity.

He pulled away, pulling my shirt up over my head and tossing it across the room, I do the same, a bit more hurriedly give or take. I slam my lips into his mouth again, my hands roaming about his broad chest, feeling every tight muscle and smooth inch of skin. Our hips rocked into each other through our pants, before long we're tugging them down, boxers and all, wasting no time at all to ravish each other when we're bare of the barriers of flesh.

He holds out three fingers for me, I take them into my mouth, sucking them slowly, running my tongue around them and in between them, his face goes red. Though he would admit under the circumstances, he won't say that he's imagining my tongue on a particular place that needs attention. His fingers slip from my mouth as he motions me to lay back, I did so without a word watching as he slid one finger into me.

The first time is never bad, it's odd but not bothersome, the second one goes in and the feeling of them scissoring me is a bit more sensational. The third is when it stings, I always try my hardest to never let it show, it only stings for a moment before the pleasure also sinks in as he pushes the fingers against my prostate.

While I'm writhing with pleasure, he pulls his fingers out and places his length against my entrance. Our hands interlace with each other as he slowly pushes in, I bite the inside on my cheek and close my eyes to keep the tears that always surface down. He lets me adjust to his size, he's an inch or two bigger than average, not that I've ever taken the time to measure. It just seems like one of those things that you can tell by the feel of it.

I push against him, signaling that he came move, he begins to thrust slowly simply rocking his hips into me. His grip on my hand tightens as he begins to thrust harder and faster into me.

Soon we're too caught up in the rush of sex, in the passion of love making to care how loud we are. He thrusts almost brutally into me, making my head spin when his length rams into my prostate, making me scream in absolute pleasure. His arms wrap around me holding me tightly as his speed increases, my arms are wrapped against him, my nails digging into his skin as I feel my pleasure building up.

Suddenly my vision goes white, my breath is lost and I can hear his breath hitch in my ear as I gasp out his name. When my vision does return, my legs are shaking as well as my hands, my breath is shaky and comes out in gasps, my forehead wet and sticky with sweat.

Francis collapses next to me, his hand still intertwined with mine, he looks over at me, he was tired, that was obvious, but besides that, a warm, loving smile was settled on his lips.

"Je vous aime Arthur," His loving, sweet French voice, was thick with love and sincerity, that I couldn't help but to smile back.

"I love you too, Francis," I said, placing a light kiss on his whiskered chin. He pulled me to his chest so that my head was laying where I could hear his thudding heart beat. The sound of his beating heart soon lulled me to sleep, my hand still holding his.

**--**

**Alfred**

I jumped as I heard the screen door open, I climbed out of bed grabbing the bat I kept next to my bed. Unfortunately I had woken Matthew in the process with the creaking floor boards.

"Alfred…? What are you doing?" He asked tiredly, rubbing his eye. I put a finger to my lips, shushing him.

"I think there's someone down stairs, stay hear and I'll go see," I said, as he became worried. As I walked half way down the stairs, I could hear several noises that made me go cold, worrying that someone was here and had found Francis and Arthur. I rushed to their bedroom door which was wide open, I leaned against the side, my bat ready in hands. A loud screeching sound made me look inside, prepared to face the horror of my parents…

Having sex…

My face drained of all color as one of their shirts were tossed and had been flung onto my bat where it hang lamely. Grimacing, I pushed the bat farther away from me, pointing it downwards so the shirt would slide off. Quietly I turned and began heading up the stairs, shivering as their moans could be heard from the top of the stair case. I felt a shiver crawl up my back when I heard Arthur moan out Francis's name.

As I opened the door, Matthew was sitting up, tense and rigid, he slowly turned towards me.

"Tell me it's a burglar, please tell me it's a serial killer that's killing Arthur," His face went blue when I shook my head in a negative manner.

"Ew…just…"

"Yeah…I know…" I said tossing the bat down and sliding into bed. We laid in bed that night, not getting any sleep, the sound of our parents downstairs kept us from any sleep that we had ever thought of having.

--

_This is to help for some of those who were asking for some smexiness in the characters. I hope it isn't too rushed and that you like it~ Read and review~_


	13. Chapter 13

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**Matthew**

The morning after our traumatic experience of hearing our beloved parents become beloved to themselves, we stayed in our room for a while, not wanting to go down stairs and face them after what we had seen and heard. Though, after several hours later, and a couple of growls from our food deprived stomachs, we decided that we might as well go down and eat. Luckily for us, Francis and Arthur had already left, not forgetting to leave us a nice little note about eavesdropping.

This of course made Alfred go off, saying how it wasn't his fault that they were loud, noting to tell them the moment they came home. I laughed quietly, nodding, knowing that it was the only thing I could do whenever he was like this. We hung out for a while, watching T.V. and laughing together, the whole while I was suppressing the coldness and nausea that came over me. He didn't seem to notice, and by twelve he was rushing to get his clothes on, saying that he was going to be late for a meeting.

He was also gone by twelve thirty, leaving me alone, sometimes I wondered if my brother had any common sense in him. I sighed, happy that he was, for the moment, gone. I went upstairs and dialed a familiar number, I only waited a few rings before someone answered.

"Andrew?" I say, twiddling the cord that was connected to the phone and the receiver, "It's Matt," I hear a sigh, not of frustration, but what seemed of relief.

"Hey Matthew, it's been a while," He said, "I haven't heard from you in a couple of weeks, is everything ok," I found myself speechless at his words, my mind became scattered, trying to think of what to say.

"Matthew?" He asked again, "Are you ok?"

"N…No…I need a place to stay…not for long just for a couple of days or a week or two at the most," I said quietly, he chuckled lightly.

"Of course, where are you?" I gave him the address, he said that he would be there in an hour or two because of a meeting. I went upstairs and gathered the clothes I had brought over and put them in my old red and black backpack. I sat in the living room, fidgeting and restless, afraid that someone would come home early and my plans would be ruined.

Right on time, Andrew was in the driveway, waiting on me, I hurried out of the house, locking it up and turning off the lights and T.V. I hurried into his silver Murano, tossing my bag into the back of the car. He pulled out of the driveway and wordlessly began to drive into the city, we sat in silence for a while, listening to the radio. It wasn't until we were fifteen minutes into our drive, stopping at a red light where traffic was backed up for almost two miles, did he finally say anything.

"So, I'm guessing that that's not just a friend's house," He said, taking his hands off the wheel and looking back at me. My face felt warm under his gaze, I twiddled my thumbs as he continued to stare at me.

"No…" I said, licking my lips, "It's my brother's and my fathers' house," It took him a moment before nodding.

"Were you visiting?" He asked, curiosity was thick in his voice.

"Yeah…just visiting, my father and I got into a fight so I took off," I said, leaning forward, "Sorry, by the way, I didn't mean to call you so unexpectedly," He chuckled lowly.

"It's quite alright, it's been pretty lonely without you there," He said, reaching across and gripping my shoulder lightly. "So, though unexpected, it is a nice surprise," I wasn't paying attention as he leaned over and whispered these words into my ear.

"Andrew…" I whispered, he nuzzled my neck, kissing my neck lightly, "n-not yet…wait…" He stopped, kissing me once more on the neck before pulling away.

"Sorry, you know how I am around you," He said, turning back to the wheel as traffic slowly, but surely began to move, a smug like smile on his face.

I leaned against the door, staring out the window, watching the cars in the other lane move passed us, wondering if things would go back to how they once were.

For a moment, a sharp pain went through me, and my brother's face flashed through my mind. Suddenly, I wasn't sure where I wanted to be.

**--**

**Alfred**

I came home around six thirty, tossing my bag to the floor as I slugged inside the house, my jacket slipping off my shoulders as I walked to the couch.

I flopped down, the back of my head hanging off the edge of the couch as I propped my feet up on the coffee table. I sighed in content, all I wanted to do was to go to sleep and not wake up till tomorrow after noon. A small buzzing thought kept me awake, and I realized that the house was far too quiet. I groaned as I forced myself up, dragging my legs up the stairs, I leaned on the railing for support as my aching muscles worked their way up to the hallway.

I knocked on the door to our bedroom, "Matt, you ok…" I said tiredly, leaning against the door now, wondering if I could fall asleep where I stood.

"Matt?" I asked as I opened the door, I was mildly surprised to find that he was gone, I should have expected something like this to happen three days after he had tried to run off.

Sighing, I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Arthur's number in, I waited a few rings before he answered.

"Yes?" He answered a bit snappily, meaning he was probably in a foul mood.

"Hey Arthur, it's Al, I was wondering if you could go see if Matt was at his apartment, I think he went to get some clothes but I'm not sure," At this point, I don't think I really cared if Matt got in trouble, it was about time that they found out and it was coming to him anyway. I just hope he's not stoned off his ass when they get there.

"Fine, I'll see if he's there, call me if he gets home before I go over there," He said, sighing, obviously annoyed, before hanging up abruptly.

I put the phone back in my pocket before dragging my legs into the room and flopping down on my bed. I felt my eyes become heavy, unable to open them I let myself slip into a deep sleep.

**--Half An Hour Later—**

I woke to the vibrating of my phone on the side of my leg, tiredly I pulled my phone out, not opening my eyes as I turned on my back and answering the phone.

"Hello?" I asked, as I covered my eyes with my forearm.

"Al, is Matt with you?" He asked, I moved my arm so that it was outstretched above my head.

"Mn…Hold on," I forced myself onto my feet and tumbled down the stairs, "Mattie…you hear," I said as I walked around the house.

"Matt…?" I called checking the bathrooms and bedrooms, "No he's not here, why?" I ask leaning against the wall.

"Well he's not here, so I figured he'd be there, I'll call him and see where he is," Without another word he hung up. I flipped my phone shut and tossed it to the coffee table, rubbing my eyes with my palms. It was another five minutes before Arthur called again,

"Yeah…"

"Who's Andrew Enslin?" Was the immediate question.

"Who?" I ask, confused.

"There's a card in Matt's apartment with some guy's, Andrew Enslin's, phone number on it," He said, his voice a little crackly because of the service in the building.

"I don't know who he is," I replied, "Did you get a hold of Matt?" There was a moment of silence before he answered.

"No…He didn't answer," I felt the familiar coldness run through me, the same fear that has been in my heart for the passed few weeks spark again.

"Bring me the card Arthur, I'll find him," I said, hanging up. I stood in the silent house, I felt emptiness sweep over me as I clenched the phone in my hand. Something in me snapped, swiftly as possible, I threw the phone to the wall, making a small place near the window.

I tried to keep calm as rage and fear went through my veins, my hands shook with intensified emotion. I felt so useless as I stood in the room, and at the same time I felt so afraid because I was useless.

_--_

_Sorry it's so short, I'll try and make it longer next time~ Reviews are highly appreciated_


	14. Chapter 14

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**Matthew**

I placed my backpack near the couch before taking a seat, nothing had changed since the last time I had been here. Everything was still nice and neat, the bedroom and office clean and pristine, and the hardwood floors had hardly any scuff marks. I licked my dry lips, I always felt so dirty when I came over, afraid that I would ruin something and Andrew would get angry at me. However, he never did, he always smiled and welcomed me with open arms.

"Matt," I looked up, finding him looking down at me, his long ebony hair creating a silky curtain that covered our faces, "Do you want any thing to drink?"

I nodded, a bit dazed by his blue eyes that had captured me in a trance, he noticed and leaned down, steeling a kiss from me. I pushed up against his lips, eagerly allowing him to let his tongue enter my mouth. His hands caressed my cheeks, holding me in place while our kissed deepened. I let him continue his tongue tricks while I tangled my hands in his hair, gently pulling at the silky strands of dark hair.

I pulled away for a moment, moving to where I was standing on the couch on my knees, pulling him into another kiss. His hands were again at my cheeks, holding me still while my hands winded around his neck. His lips went from my lips down to my neck, I let out a shaky breath as he slightly sucked on his ways down to my collar bone. I gasped as he bit down on my chest, though it didn't bleed, I knew it was going to leave a good sized bruise.

"Matt," He pulled himself away from me, pulling me closer to him by tugging at my shirt, "Shall we take this to the bedroom?" He whispered huskily into my ear.

**--**

**Alfred**

I had called some friends, getting the name of Andrew Enslin, he was a socialite and a hard worker at a very promising company in the city. An importing company for jewels and metals, he was a promising worker, he was in fact a president for the company. I was given the address and in a heart beat I was out the door.

Currently I was speeding down the interstate, trying to find his apartment building. I felt idiotic for letting Matt out of my sight, but I would fix that when I found him. The building came into view and I slammed on the breaks, slamming my car door shut as I stormed to the building. His apartment was on the sixth floor of this eighteen story building, when I got in the elevator I pushed the six button continuously, hoping it would make this damn thing go faster.

It, of course, did not leaving me to suffer the almost agonizing wait to the sixth floor. The numbers above the door, flashed before moving on to the next number, it seemed like hours before I made it to the floor. I ran out and flew down the end of the hall, stopping at the room. I knocked on the door, as calmly as I could, not wanting them to be scared away.

It was a few minutes, and several series of knocks later before someone opened the door. The man who answered, who I assumed to be Mr. Enslin, was a fairly attractive man, dark long hair, and blue eyes. He was shirtless and obviously not in the greatest of moods by his expression.

"Yes," He said, his tone was impatient and agitated.

"I'm looking for Matthew Williams," I said in a calm voice, he didn't look surprised at all.

"He's not here," He said, preparing to shut the door, I pushed the door open, shoving him out of the way.

"Yes he is, where is he?" I demanded, pushing him against the wall by his throat. He didn't answer, making my anger escalate and my grip on his throat tighten. His face twisting in pain, before I could ask again, I was forced to the side, stumbling away from the brunette that I had trapped.

The said brunette slid down the floor, where I saw a familiar blonde catering to him.

"Matthew," He only glanced at me before returning to what's-his-face. "Matt," I said a bit louder.

"Andrew are you alright?" He asked, helping him up.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," That's when he turned to glare at me, "Who is he?" He asked bitterly. Matt seemed to stop, as if thinking on what to say.

"That's…" He looked at me, before looking back at Andrew, "That's my brother. I'm so sorry Andrew, I didn't think he'd come down here. I'm so-" He stopped him there, giving me a side glance before placing his lips over Matt's. At that moment, everything seemed to freeze.

"It's alright, it's not your fault," He said, smiling at him as if I wasn't here. I felt my self control slip, and for a moment I wasn't in my body, and my body reacted on it's own, punching the other man in the face. Matthew's eyes widened at my actions, I grabbed his wrists and dragged him out of the building, kicking and screaming.

"Let me go! Alfred let me go! Let me go!" He screamed as I threw him in the backseat before slamming the door shut. I backed out and hurried onto the interstate, adrenaline went through me as I floored the gas, driving in random directions.

"Alfred please! Let me go! I have to make sure Andrew's ok!" He begged, gripping my shoulders from behind the seat.

"Shut up! You're not going back! I was stupid enough to trust you the first time, this time will be different!" I yelled, driving out of the city, but not towards the neighborhood. I could tell he was scared by how his hands shook against my shoulders.

"W-Where are we g-going Alfred?" I didn't answer, because I didn't know myself.

We didn't stop till we had reached a small hotel several miles out, I slammed the door shut and leaned against the car. I ran a hand through my hair, wondering what to do now, I hadn't really known why I had driven all the way out here anyway.

Matt came out from the other side, he walked over to me, wordlessly and stood in front of me. "What are we doing here Alfred," He asked in a quiet voice.

I didn't answer, as I focused my gaze towards the sky, trying not to look back at him. Though he continued to stare, his eyes boring holes into my head as the minutes passed.

"Alfred," He began, I stopped him before he could continue.

"I don't know why we're here, I just drove out here without thinking ok," I sighed, lowering my hands from my head. A moment of silenced passed before he broke it again.

"Do you remember," I looked at him this time, "when you called me that day, when you and Arthur and Francis were trying to get me to stay. You said that you loved me, and…when I moved back, you started…to touch me more. And you held me tighter when we went to bed," His face had turned a bright shade of red.

"Several days ago, when I was sick you took care of me, and when I ran away the first time, always you seemed afraid, or worried, but in your eyes," He looked up at me, his eyes swirling with so many emotions it was hard to tell what was going through him, "Your eyes always held so much love, even when you were mad at me. Today when you hit Andrew, it was because he kissed me…wasn't it?"

Inside of me, something had snapped, my arms pulled him close and swiftly I pushed my lips down onto his. He tensed in my hold, but my grip didn't falter, my lips pressed firmly against his. Slowly, he relaxed and wrapped his arms around my neck loosely, he carefully, cautiously pushed back into the kiss.

As the kiss deepened, our lips lapping together, I bit his lower lip lightly, making him gasp. My tongue slipping inside, running over every crease and corner of his mouth, his tongue eventually doing the same. I wrapped one arm around his waist while my other hand caressed the back of his head, my lips traveling down his neck. As I unzipped the sweatshirt he was wearing, his face turned a dark shade of red when I found a particular bruise on his collar bone.

He gasped loudly as I covered it with my mouth, sucking vigorously and nipping at it, making it turn a dark shade of purple.

"A-Alfred, s-stop…i-it'll," He stopped to gasp, biting his lower lip to the point were it began to bleed, "it'll j-just get-get w-worst," He stuttered out.

When I was sure that there a was a dark hickey, showing that he was mine now. I kissing his lips again, sucking on his lower, bleeding lip.

"Mine," I said before kissing him again.

"Mine," I pulled him closer by pulling on his belt loops.

"Mine," I began to grind against him, my hips rolling onto his.

"Mine," His face turned red, as our hips rubbed against each other.

"_Mine_," My hands running up and down his body.

"_Mine_," He tensed against me, our hips movements becoming more erratic.

"_Mine_," Our lips met again, overlapping one another and tongues fighting.

"_Mine_," He tensed even harder, his breath hitched as his hips rolled off of me a few more times. He rested his head against my shoulder, breathing heavily as his body went slack.

"Y-yours," He mumbled, I smiled, holding him tightly so he wouldn't fall.

"All yours," He whispered before falling asleep against me.

_--_

_I hope this chapter was better than last~ Review please!_


	15. Chapter 15

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**Matthew**

We went home later on that night, I enjoyed the drive, the city glowing with street lights made it seem peaceful. The world outside looked so cold and I felt so cozy in the car where the heater kept us nice and warm. The street lights always made everything look warmer though, it's dim orange-ish light seemed like small rays of the sun.

Every now and then Alfred's hand would creep over to me, holding my hand tightly as he drove. When we would stop at a stoplight he would give me small pecks, or little touches that sent little shivers up my spine. It was all fine and well till we came into the driveway, he put the car into park, he stopped me from getting out, holding my wrist.

"Don't get out," He said, "just lay down and don't move," I gave him an odd look as he reclined the seat, he got out on his side and came over to my side, carrying me out.

When we entered the house, Francis and Arthur both swamped him with questions. He told them that I had gone to a friend's house and had left my phone, they seemed convinced, Arthur not so much, but he dismissed him with that reasoning. He carried me up the stairs, I could feel his heart beat against his chest when he held me closer as he climbed the stairs, up to our bedroom.

"Hey Matt," He said as he laid me down on the bed, "You know…I've done some researching…ya know about the whole withdrawal thing…well you've been sober for a while, and…" He looked away, his eyes focusing on the floor.

"This is the second time you've run away and…Maybe you should…ya know…go somewhere for help…" I felt my heart stop and go cold in my chest. "Not suggesting an insane asylum or anything but…I mean…how long till you have a serious breakdown like you did several weeks ago…I don't…" Pain flashed through his eyes.

"I don't want to see you like that Matthew," I gripped the sheets underneath me tightly, my throat going dry.

"I…I know but…" I stopped, I felt so frustrated and scared, "but I don't want to go there…anywhere but…please…I can't go there…" I had always heard horror stories of rehab and I didn't even want to think about going.

"I can't go there Alfred, I won't," I said, backing up away from him. He looked back at me, emotions swirling vividly in those bright blue eyes.

"Matt, not even several days ago you were barely hanging onto yourself, you didn't see the way you looked when you were sick. You looked so frail and ill that I didn't want to touch you, in fear that I would hurt you or cause you more pain," He said, inching his way closer to me.

"Besides, at the most it would be just a couple of weeks, some group therapy and individual therapy, occasionally some pills to help with the symptoms. I'll visit you everyday, and at the end of it all we can go home and be happy again," The ignorance that was so thick in his words was left completely unnoticed by him.

"Alfred," He looked at me, hoping for the answer he had planned out in his mind, "that's not how it works, I've been doing drugs and prostitution for a long while. A few weeks isn't going to cut it, it's going to take months at the least just to help with the nightmares and stuff. And group therapy is being with people with the same, and worst problems than me, sex addicts, meth cookers, it's nothing like what you have in your head. It's worst, it's living in fear that someone's going to hurt you worst, someone stronger than you, someone that will be able to get to you. And if it's not that, then you're trapped in a cell, a prison like cell for hours, thinking and staring at the walls." I took a breath, wiping a stray tear, "I can't go Alfred. I really can't,"

He reached over and took my hand, his eyes were sympathetic and caring, "I just want you to get better," He whispered.

I nodded, I know he did, but I wasn't ready to go to rehab, I don't think I'd be able to survive there. Anywhere but there.

"Then how about a counselor," He suggested, "Someone you can go see every other week, someone you can open up with. They can help you Matty, but you have to let them," I closed my eyes, I did say anywhere but.

"Al…Alright…" I muttered, I felt so ashamed, I had become so lowly that I had shrunken down to this. I kept my eyes close as he leaned toward me and kissed my forehead.

"Get some rest Matty," He whispered, I nodded, listening to his footsteps retreat to the hallway. I pulled my knees up to my chest, I didn't know what to do anymore, without the drugs, the prostitution…what was I? I had never really been anything, what would going to a counselor do other than get me sober for a while. I didn't have any special skills or abilities that would make me something of interest.

I buried my face in my knees, my head began to hurt from all the frustration. I felt so cold, the chills where coming back, making me shiver. I hurried under the bedspread, tucking myself away as I shivered, in the back of my mind, before sleep came over me and brought back the nightmares, I wondered what would happen after all of this.

**--**

**Alfred**

I went downstairs, Arthur and Francis were sitting on the couch watching some T.V. and cuddling and all that mushy crap that they scar me with. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a chair from the table and came back, sitting it in front of them. Though Arthur glared at me, Francis was looking passed me, knowing that it annoyed me.

"Can we help you Alfred," Arthur asked, his voice edging from annoyed to pissed.

"Yes actually," I said, reaching behind me and turning the television off.

"You stupid git! Turn the telly back on," He said, I had to stop from laughing, his English traits always flared with his British words.

"I will, but first we need to talk," I said, crossing my legs, "I think it'd be best to get Matt a counselor," I said bluntly. Arthur looked at me wondering what I meant and Francis silently agreed, barely nodding.

"I could make a few calls, have him an appointment by next Monday," Francis said, Arthur looked at him in shock.

"He doesn't need a counselor, he's fine, he's been sober for how long now?" Francis sighed, I didn't make an effort to show him that he was wrong.

"He's been having a lot of violent withdrawal symptoms, he's been sick and had horrible chills the other day. He's also had a lot of nightmares that end up waking me up half the time, I just think that he needs help, help that we can't give him." Arthur slammed his hand on the coffee table.

"What are you saying Alfred! We've given him all the help we could, are you saying that it was all futile? That we helped him for nothing," He yelled.

"No! We've helped him as much as a family can, but he needs professional help. People that can make the best decision for him as someone who is a addict, not as a son or a brother," My voice trailed off, pain went through his eyes, he eventually eased back to his seat on the couch, staying silent.

"I'll try and find a good therapist," He said quietly, Francis wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulling him close.

"It'll be fine," I heard him whisper, "just give it some time love,"

Arthur nodded, closing his eyes, "I know it will be, I just wish that we didn't have to resort to this," I nodded, I could relate perfectly.

"I'm going to go check on Matt," I said, getting up, leaving the chair, and heading up the stairs. As I reached the door, I could hear Matt's small voice muttering something. I rested my ear against the door, though I could only make out a few words, I couldn't really understand what he was saying.

I opened the door, finding him curled into a ball, sitting up looking around.

"Matt?" I ask as I stepped in, he didn't seem to notice as he continued to look around. His eyes seemed to be focused on something, though when I tried to see what I couldn't see what he was looking at.

"Matt, are you alright," I grabbed his shoulder, only then does he look at me.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, blinking.

"What do you mean what am I doing here, this is my room. What are you doing up?" I ask inching closer to the bed.

"You're not supposed to be here, Arthur said that you were going to work," I was confused now.

"What are you talking about, I don't go back to work till Wednesday," I said, sitting down on the bed, just as I took a seat I found myself on the floor.

"Don't sit on him! What kind of person are you! Why would you sit on someone!" He screamed.

"Matt what the hell are you talking about, no one's there," I say standing up.

"Shut up! You're just like everyone else! Why would you say something so hurtful! Look everyone's mad now!" He yelled, throwing the blankets off him and storming over to me, getting really close.

"Why are you such an asshole! I didn't do anything to you," He yelled, he began to push me till I was cornered between him and the wall. "You're just like him! You do what you want to do and then leave! You hurt everyone and you don't even say anything, you just hurt again and again!" He screamed.

"If you're going to hurt me then go ahead but leave my friends alone!" He yelled, tears had surfaced his eyes and began pouring down his face. "Go on! Hurt me! Kill me if you want, I don't care anymore!" He screamed, beating on my chest with his fists.

"Alfred what's going on," I heard Arthur yell from the other side of the door.

"I-I think Matt's hallucinating," I said, trying to make him back up so Arthur could get in.

"Matt, I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't hurt you," I jumped when he slammed his fist just inches away from my face.

"_Shut up_! You know you did! _You ruined everything_, you ruined who I wanted to be! You ruined what I dreamed of, why!? Why wasn't taking my heart enough!? Why did you have to take that from me too!?"

"Alfred what's going on!" I heard Francis this time.

"_Why?!_ I loved you so much! I still love you but you ruined it," He screamed, he raised his fist to throw another punch, I wrapped my arms around his waist and tackled him to the floor. As our bodies his the floor with a loud thud, the door slammed open, Francis and Arthur were pulling us away from each other instantly.

"Why?! Why!? Why?! Did you have to hurt him! He never did anything! Kumajirou is innocent! You asshole," Suddenly his rant stopped, his eyes went wide before slowly closing, his body going slack. Francis held him up, dragging him to the bed and tucking him in like he was five again.

"What did you do?" I ask, he simply showed me a small syringe.

"It's just a low dose sedative, I bought some incase something like this happened," He said, sitting on the bed next to Matt.

"I'm going to call Ludwig, he's in business with people in Matthieu's position," He said, moving some hair out of Matt's face. Arthur was behind me, in his own shock, Francis and I both knew that he wasn't expecting anything like this, we didn't blame him, we didn't either.

"I think we should go to bed," He said getting up, he pulled out a small black bag, "Give him another dose if he wakes up and has another outburst," He said, I nodded.

Francis lead Arthur out, trying to get him to calm down as they went down the stairs, I stayed standing where I was. The past half hour seemed like a living nightmare, I ran a hand through my hair, I really wanted to go take a shower and try to forget about this, but I didn't want to take the risk of him having another hallucination.

I sighed, taking off my glasses and my shirt and changing into a good pair of pants before laying next to him. I played with his hair while he slept, taking a lock in between my fingers, lacing it through my fingers.

"I'm sorry Matt," I whispered, I didn't really know what I was apologizing for, but the words felt like the right thing to say, whether he was unconscious or not.

* * *

_Ok so like I said Matty's withdrawal symptoms were going to get worst, so ta da~. I hope you guys liked it, read and review, and if anyone knows where I can find a good site to watch movies could someone send me a pm, I've been looking all day and all the sites I've found have been shit._


	16. Chapter 16

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**Matt**

When I woke up the next morning, my head was pounding and I was really hot. I tried to open my eyes but it felt like something had a death grip on my waist, it took me a few minutes but I eventually saw that Alfred was practically glued to me.

"Alfred…" My voice was scratchy, "Alfred," I said again, a little more clearly. He didn't budge, his arms remained around me tightly, not even taking the slightest hint as to let me go.

"Al…c'mon, it's hard to breath with you hugging me like this," I said as a headache started to spread through. I shook him lightly, trying to get his grip on me to loosen even the slightest. I gave up after almost ten minutes of struggling, I sighed and was able to turn so my back was against his chest.

"Done already," I heard a groggy voice whisper into my ear, making me jump.

"Don't do that!" I snapped, turning back to see that he had one eye open, looking at me with a tired smirk. His hair was tussled and surrounded his face wildly, the white T-shirt he wore was wrinkled and looked like it was twisted slightly. If it's possible, he looked so cute and sexy all at the same time.

I leaned up close to him, placing a small kiss on his lips, I wasn't surprised that he didn't kiss back. He looked tired and I wasn't really expecting him to respond, but when I pulled away, he looked upset, he looked away and the grip around my waist loosened considerably. His disquieted expression made me worry, I turned back around my hands on his shoulders.

"Hey," I said, my hand tried to guide his eyes towards mine, but he continued to look away, "What's wrong?" He closed his eyes this time, the death grip on me reappeared.

"Do you remember anything from last night?" He asked, opening his eyes. I thought back, last night I had come home with Alfred, we talked about rehab and counseling, then…what else…?

"I remember coming home with you and talking about the whole counseling thing…after that it's fuzzy," I said, the ache in my forehead pulsed dully, I brought a hand up to rub my head, trying to lessen the pain.

Alfred sighed, his hands went from my waist to my cheeks, cupping them gingerly. "You were having hallucinations last night, we had to sedate you just to get you to calm down," it felt as though someone had punched me in the gut, my eyes widened. I pushed against him, trying to move away but he kept me down and in place.

"Matt, calm down, you're fine now," He said, I didn't believe him, I knew I wasn't fine, I've known.

"I am not!" I yelled, shocking myself at the volume of my own voice. "I'm not ok, if it's this bad, how bad will it be next time! Or the time after!" I struggle against him, trying my hardest to get away from his grasp.

"Matt, stop struggling for a moment!" He said, having to grip my arms to keep me down. "Francis called a counselor, we're waiting for them to call and schedule you for an appointment!" His words made me freeze.

I went slack, as I sunk back into the bed, his hold on me did as well. "When…" was all I could courage up to ask.

"Francis, called Ludwig last night, we should be getting a call soon," I felt tears well up in my eyes. I couldn't even think of why I was crying, all I knew is that this relief that fell on me was pleasant.

"Matt, are you alright," He asked, I felt him lean closer to me. I nodded, smiling at him sincerely.

"I will be,"

**--Several Days Later--**

I sat in the waiting room, the pail blue walls and the thin carpet made it seem like this was more of a work place than anything. I twiddled my thumbs, looking around I counted the posters on the walls, twenty one. Several where telling parents not to leave their kids alone, others where announcements like how there was a newly opened women's sober house, some where telling you to wash your hands, why I'll never know, and other's where just random.

I waited for fifteen minutes before someone came to get me, it was a woman with dark brown hair put up in a tight bun, square thin rimmed glasses, black slacks and a light blue shirt.

"Hi, you must be Matthew Williams, I'm Doctor Emma," She said in a smooth voice, extending out a slender fingered hand, I shook it hesitantly. "Follow me please,"

She lead me to her office, it wasn't small, but at the same time it wasn't big. A love seat and a chair surrounded her desk and her own wheeled chair, I took a seat on the small couch, surprised that it was as soft as it was. She took her own seat, pulling out a clipboard and a pen, she smiled as she crossed her legs.

"Alright Matthew, could you tell me why you're here," She asked, putting the pen on the paper. I swallowed the growing lump in my throat, nibbling on my lower lip before answering.

"I thought that you knew," I said, she smiled warmly, the glowing light of the lamp on her desk and the bigger lamp on the corner of the room make the office feel warm.

"I do, but do you?" She asked, I felt myself grow nervous under her gaze. I guess she saw how nervous I was as she lowered her pen, "Don't worry Matthew, anything you tell me stays between you and I,"

I nod, playing with the him of my sleeve to my red and black stripped jacket. "I'm here because I abuse alcohol and drugs," my voice was quiet and meek, saying my problem allowed felt weird and awkward. Still she scribbled something down before looking at me again.

"Do you know why you do that?" She asked, I looked down, biting my inner cheek. I didn't have an answer, and no matter how hard I though on it, I couldn't find a reason. "Should we put a rain check on that?" She asked kindly, I nodded. She scribbled down something else.

"Who do you live with?" She asked, her glasses shined the light of the lamp.

"I used to live on my own," I said, "But my parents' and my brother made me move back,"

"They made you?" She asked, raising a thin eyebrow. "Why?" I sighed, licking my lips.

"I got drunk one night, my brother, Alfred, brought me home, and I guess he found the heroine I stashed in my couch," I said simply. She jotted something down before looking back at me.

"How did he take it?" She asked, she seemed sincerely curious as I spoke.

"He confronted me about it the following morning, I tried to run away and hide in my room, but he stopped me and pinned me down. Soon we were yelling, I told him I didn't want to quit, I told him I enjoyed it, and I did. He started yelling at me, he called me a drug abusing whore, then I…I threw a bottle of Vodka at him. He told me that he would be back, and then he left," I stared at the floor.

"What happened after that?" She asked, I looked at the clock, only fifteen minutes have passed.

"I got high, I injected heroine," I said, leaning back, watching as she scribbled something else down.

"Matthew, how long have you been doing drugs?" I thought for a moment.

"I've done heroine since I was nineteen, I'm twenty two now." She nodded.

"Is heroine the only drug you've done,"

"No, I've done pot once or twice, but it was just my starter. I've done Angel Dust and Cocaine, they were ok, they got me as high as heroine did but I preferred heroine over all," I said, again feeling awkward.

"What's so special about it? I mean, do you see anything? Is there a special feeling to it?" I rubbed my head as my headache returned.

"…Well…" I bit my lip, "When I'm high, I don't feel, I'm ok when I'm high. I mean…my emotions are numbed, I don't care, I feel free and loose. Like I don't have to be afraid or worry when I shoot up, everything that I worried about before just dissolves." She wrote down notes hurriedly.

"What do you have to worry about Matthew? From what I've heard, to everyone you were a normal person, living a normal life," I chuckled, she really seemed interested when I did.

"Everyone? Everyone isn't me now is it?" I asked bitterly. She stopped writing and looked at me.

"Why do you do drugs Matthew?" She asked again, I sighed as I slumped my shoulders.

"Because I'm tired of being what everyone thinks of me. Sweet, innocent Matthew, it was the goody goody routine that kept me from meeting people, from trying things, from experiencing things. So, when I had my first shoot, I was alive, I felt as though I had a secret that no one had to know about. I had something no one had and it was unbelievable," She didn't write anything down, she just watched me, her face emotionless and passive.

"Are you happy with your alter ego? Is he someone you want to be?" I thought for a moment.

"It's not an alter ego, that's someone you make up, the person I am now, was always who I was. I just didn't dig deep enough to try and find him till three years ago," She wrote down a short note before putting her clipboard down.

"Alright, well we're out of time for today Matthew," She said, I looked up at the clock, and found that an hour had already passed. She turned to her computer and something in, "How about two weeks from now, same time?" I nodded, she pulled out a small card and handed it to me with a warm smile.

"I'll see you next time," She said, I nodded and left, heading out into the lobby where Alfred sat in a chair. His head was low until I came up to him, he snapped his head up, swamping me with questions.

"How is she? I mean is she a good counselor, do you like her?" I raised my hands up, trying to get him to slow down.

"Yes, she's really nice, and she's excellent and I do like her," I said, as I began to walk out, Alfred continuing to question me. I laughed, telling him that he needed to calm down, he only pouted, saying that it was unfair of me to be keeping something like this from him.

As we got into the car, I pecked him on the lips, telling him that I wasn't keeping anything from him. He smiled, as he started the car he pulled me back for another kiss, I felt so content where I was, it was like the drugs had been a dream and now I was back in reality.

This felt so real, so existent, so true that when I kissed him again, I held him there, making sure that it wasn't some dream that I would wake up to. But to my content, it wasn't this was real, this was actual and true. The drugs weren't fooling me, I was here, coming out of counseling with Alfred kissing me in his car. I don't think I could happier at this moment, there's nothing to compare this with it's so amazing. So, terrifically, spectacularly, amazing.

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_I hoped you guys like it, please Read and Review so I can make another chapter. _


	17. Chapter 17

_This is a Christmas special~_

**--**

**Alfred**

When we were young this time of year was the highlight of our lives. Christmas was special and it didn't matter how bad of a year we had, Christmas always seemed to make up for it. Matt and I would stay up late on Christmas Eve, the anticipating wait nearly killed us. Arthur and Francis would further our torment by placing our neatly wrapped presents under the tree three days early, so all we could do was sit and stare, hoping that the passing hours would hurry to days. We always got back at them though, we would set our alarm clocks to go off at three o'clock, we usually didn't need to set them, we would already be up at that hour. So before the first beep of the alarm we would hurry to Arthur and Francis's room and wake them up, telling them that it was Christmas, this was a pain to them because while they thought we were asleep they would be downstairs being 'naughty'.

But things changed when Matt moved out, the presents under the Christmas tree didn't seem as tempting as they used to. The long wait to rush down the stairs Christmas morning wasn't that long anymore, taking away the suspense and anticipation that it once held. Our Christmas dinner, that was once lively and rambunctious due to the havoc that Matt and I made by throwing peas at one another or at Arthur, Francis would join in occasionally leading the dinner into a full blown food fight, now was quiet and only a few conversations were held.

Luckily though, Matt's back, he's here in my arms, awake and anxious just as I am. He says something about how it's only a few more minutes till midnight, I begin to sit up, saying that present time should be now instead of three o'clock. He laughs and pulls me down, telling me not to pout.

"I'm not pouting," I say defiantly, he smiles as he begins poking my chin.

"Yes you are, you're just saying that cause you can't see the way you look right now," He said, his finger moving from my chin to my bottom lip. I glare at him, which only encourages him, making him poke me faster. With a small growl I open my mouth and bite his finger, he yelps, yanking it out.

He cradles his hand before turning away, his back facing me, though I couldn't see his face I could tell that he was sulking.

"Matt," I say, poking his back.

"Leave me alone," He said, just the way he said it made it clear that he was in fact pouting.

"C'mon Matty, you were the one who was poking me," I said, poking him in random places.

"You bit me you ba-AH!" He shot up, glaring at me, "Don't do that!" He whispered harshly, trying to keep his voice down so that Arthur and Francis wouldn't wake up.

"Do what?" I ask, putting up the most innocent smile I could before poking him again in the side. He yelped again, glaring at me angrily.

"Stop it, I don't want to wake up everyone else in the house," He said, I could only smile, he was cute when he was mad, his face flushed, his deep blue eyes narrowed, his hair tussled and messy.

"They won't, I promise, even if they were they wouldn't hear you," I said, sitting up and continuing to poke him. His body jolted every time I poked him, making him come closer and closer to me till eventually he was practically on my lap. His hands are gripping my forearms tightly, trying to keep himself still as I poke him one more time.

"K-Knock it o-off," He huffs out, he's out of breath, his lips part to take in small gasps of air, his cheeks bright red, his eyes cloudy. I lean down pecking him on the lips, making Matt turn a few shades darker. He leans up, pecking me, we're soon going back and forth, each kiss lasting longer than the one before. Before long, we're laying back down, our lips overlapping one another's. I trace my tongue with his lips, then pulling it back into my mouth when Matt's own tongue would come out.

This went on for a few minutes before our tongues actually connected, twisting together slowly, afraid to make a wrong move. Soon, when we become more confident, our kiss becomes heated, our lips and tongues only move apart when air is needed before we start again. My hands move from his shoulders down to his arms, squeezing his hands as my own pass them, moving to his waist, my grip on his sides was light as I pulled him closer to me. His own hands start from my abdomen, moving up passed my stomach and to my chest where they slide around to my back, gripping the fabric of my night shirt.

I moved away from his mouth, making him look at me curiously, I didn't answer, instead I moved on top of him, my mouth connecting to his neck. Matt's hands gripped tighter to my shirt as I sucked and nipped at small patches of skin, he moved his head to the side, giving me more room to work with as I traveled from his neck to just above his chest. His pants and small gasps where the only thing that could be heard in my ears as I began to unbutton his shirt, struggling to get them all undone, before simply tearing the stupid thing apart, buttons coming off in different directions. Matt gave me a half-hearted glare before I returned to the task at hand, moving from his lower neck down to his chest.

He squirmed beneath me as my mouth latched onto one of his nipples, sucking lightly as my hand played with the other. His hands tangled in my hair as I sucked a little harder, he bit his lip to keep from making any loud noises. Getting annoyed with the lack of vocalism, I bit down on his nipple, making him gasp loudly.

"A-Alfred…!" He gasped, his hands gripping tightly to my hair. I smirked as he looked down at me with half lidded lust fogged eyes. I leaned forward, kissing him on the lips apologetically before moving downward again. I looked up at Matt, before I could ask, he had nodded, giving me permission to continue. With that, I curled my fingers around the waist band of his pants and boxers and pulled them off, tossing them to the foot of the bed. I went down, kissing him from his flat stomach and moving down passed his naval, and going to his abdomen, then to his inner thigh. I sucked on his inner thigh, near where a thicker piece of skin begged for relief, until I left a dark red, almost purple hickey.

Matt writhed beneath me as I did so, his face seemed pained, but at the same time in pure satisfying pleasure. I raised my fingers to his lips, he took them in, wetting them properly, running his tongue in between and around them, making me groan at the thought of that tongue doing things like that to another part of my anatomy.

He smirked at me, "An active imagination Alfred?" He asked smugly, I scoffed.

"You're awfully confident," I said, probing one finger against his entrance before pushing it inside, Matt laid his head down, I couldn't see expression but something told me it was a blank. The only sign that showed that he felt it was his increased breathing, I pumped my finger in and out before adding the second. He cringed as I moved my fingers in a scissoring manner inside of him, before adding the third, he gripped the sheets as I did. My fingers moved in different directions, trying to find the spot that would drag him to the edge.

"Alfred!" He moaned, quickly covering his mouth with his hands as my fingers hit the bundle of nerves that sent him into a fit of shivers. "E-Enough…please…j-just get it over with and do it already," He said hastily.

I nodded, pulling my fingers out and positioning myself at his entrance, I slowly began to push myself inside. Carefully I pushed the head inside before slowly edging the rest in.

"Damnit Alfred," Matt said, moving so that he was on his elbows, pushing himself the rest of the way onto my shaft. "I-I'm not a virgin, s-so stop being so g-goddamn gentle," I was a bit taken back at his boldness, though I should've expected something like this, he wasn't some sixteen year old virgin that had been waiting for the perfect place and perfect timing. He was my lover, and though it's painful to admit, he has had other lovers before me, so it's understandable that he wouldn't need slow, awkward sex.

"Right," I replied, pulling out till only the head remained inside before slamming back inside. He threw his head back, fighting back the moans that were obviously threatening escape his lips. I gripped his hips tightly, hoping that they wouldn't bruise too badly the next morning, as I continued to thrust in and out of him. Matt's face is flushed, his teeth biting into his lower lip to keep him from screaming out, his hands reached up and grabbed my shoulders, using them to rock against me, pushing back into my thrusts.

"A-Al…ngh…Alf-Alfred…" He chokes out, I could tell that he was trying his hardest not to be too loud. I leaned down and forced my tongue into his mouth, immediately he's moaning wantonly into the kiss, his hands again tangled in my hair as our pace increases. We're hanging onto each other, our kisses becoming rushed and heated as the pressure builds up between us.

"A-Alfred…nmm…oh god Alfred…I-I'm so…ha…god..I'm so close Alfred…" He whispers, moaning in between words. My lips again connect to his neck, sucking hard, making sure to leave a noticeable bruise, he tells me to stop or else everyone would see. I didn't, I sucked harder, biting it with the same amount of pressure. He gasps, the grip on his hands tightens, his back arching off the mattress.

"Alfred…Ngh…I-I'm…" I know what he means, I reach a hand down and begin pumping his shaft, he's bucking against me, meeting my thrusts, we're both on the edge, close to our climax.

Suddenly our lips are slammed together, and all I can see is white, the intense pleasure that had built up explodes, for a moment, we are not each other, we are one being, feeling the same intense please, the same breath taking emotions, the same joy and overwhelming happiness.

We collapse together, panting, our bodies shook and we're sweaty and exhausted as we lay against one another. It takes all that I have to pull him closer to me, holding him loosely as we catch our breathes.

"M-Matt," I pant out, he barely moves his head up to look at me.

"Y-Yeah…?" He asks, his eyelids are sliding shut.

"Merry Christmas," I say, kissing his forehead, he smiles, barely pushing his lips up to kiss my chin.

"Happy New Year," He laughs lightly before resting his head against my chest, quickly falling asleep. I look over my shoulder, in red light numbers, the clock says one fifty eight. I laugh to myself, knowing that neither of us would we awake at three to go downstairs and wake up Arthur and Francis.

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_ whitetyger123 _

_was wanting a lemon, so since it's the holidays and some others where wanting some AlxMatt, Merry Christmas~~~_


	18. Chapter 18

**Matthew**

The holidays passed and new years' came and went, we celebrated, we laughed, and we had fun. My withdrawal symptoms had lessened with the medication that my therapist prescribed, my hallucinations didn't come anymore, and my chills were occasional. Everything seemed great, I was going back to work, my relationship with Alfred was also going well. I had worked my way up to manager and Alfred and I were planning on finding an apartment.

Though, things were good, and we were happy, I had my times when I doubted the things that were happening. It wasn't but a few months ago that I was drinking, shooting up, and selling myself everyday to get by, now I was clean and things were good. So, why was it that I had this anxiety, like I was afraid, of what I myself I'm not sure of. All I know is that I was afraid, and the things that were changing so fast, seemed scary.

"Hey Matt," I jumped hearing Alfred bang on the bathroom door, "Hurry up in there, we gotta get going ya know!"

"Alright, alright, just give me a sec!" I yell back, checking myself in the mirror for the millionth time, I straightened up my hair and smoothed out my clothes before opening the door to see Alfred waiting, his arms folded and his foot tapping impatiently.

"Drama queen," I say as I pass him, I saw from the corner of my eye as his expression changed from bored to appalled.

"Drama queen!? I am not!" He cried as I ran down the stairs, I didn't make it to the last step as he tackled me from behind.

"AH!" We fell to the ground with a loud thud as I hit my head and he hit the floor face first. "D…Damnit Al…" I said, holding the back of my head, while he laid face down just a few feet away.

"O…Ok…That wasn't…one of my greatest moves…next time will be better," He said, pushing himself up, holding his nose with his palm. A few drops of blood caught my attention.

"Ah, Al," I got up, quickly moving to him, pulling his hand away from his nose. Blood was dripping down his nostril and passed his lips, "Now look what you've done," I scoffed leading him to the kitchen.

"Lean you're head back a little," I instructed as I got a paper towel and held it to his nose. "Geez, does there have to be blood every time you do something stupid?" I asked.

"Don't forget broken bones," He added, smiling. I sighed, laughing a little.

"Of course, even the broken bones," I said, smiling this time as I pulled the paper towel away, seeing that the bleeding had stopped. "Alright, now that you're not bleeding, is there a broken arm we should deal with while we're here," I asked, throwing the bloody paper towel.

"Nope, I'll let you know when I tamper with the breaks and we have to go to the E.R." He smiled as I hit him on the back of the head.

"Not funny," I said, though smiling, very serious, "Come on, we're going to be late," I said, grabbing the keys.

"Alright, alright," He said, following behind me to the car. I got onto him as he slammed the car door with too much force, he laughed, calling me a 'worry wart'.

We drove a little ways to the city, to a large apartment complex, where another car was waiting for us. It was a silver Mazda, leaning against it was a mid twenty year old, wearing a pair of black slacks, a white blouse, and a black blazer and a pair of black flats.

"Hi," She said as we came closer, she met us halfway, extending her hand for one of us to shake, "I'm Cecilia, from the agency," She said, flashing a bright smile.

"I'm Matthew," I said, shaking her hand, "and this is Alfred," I said, gesturing to my brother.

"It's nice to meet you both," She said, still smiling at both of us, "I have several places that fit your description of the apartment you were looking for," She said, leading us inside. The inside was a lot better than my last apartment, marble floors instead of cheap carpet, the walls were freshly painted, instead of the pealing wallpaper. We went to the fifth floor, a long clean corridor was revealed behind the thick metal doors of the elevator.

She lead us down the hall to the sixth door, she pulled out a key from her blazer pocket and unlocked the door, pushing it open and letting us go first. It was a spacious apartment, the kitchen connected to the living room, the hard wood floor was obviously just polished and the smell of fresh paint was faint but noticeable.

Cecilia led us around, showing us the master bedroom which had a walk in bathroom, the marble tile and the spacious surroundings had me taken instantly, and I'm sure Alfred was too. We looked around, there was a guest room and another bathroom in the hall, the place was perfect, it was also in the good part of the city so that made it better. I asked Cecilia about the rent, it was fair, not the best, but for what we were getting it was just fine.

It was a week after that it was definite that the apartment was ours, we had already started packing a few days early. We would be getting some new furniture, just a new couch, a coffee table and a desk for Alfred. We were going to change the guest room into an office, Arthur and Francis even helped us get a few more things, some dishes and silverware and a dresser. I tried to tell them that we were find and could've easily gotten one ourselves, they said that they wanted to help as best they could. After that I didn't object to their charity, it made them feel like they were helping us start over, and in a way we were.

It was two weeks, after getting some furniture and moving it into the apartment we were packing us the rest of our bags. We pack our clothes, our pictures, our spare shoes, our bathroom items excreta. Somewhere, wedged in a pocket inside of my suitcase, between my clothes and pictures, in a folded pair of black socks was a small syringe.

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_Sequel, da?_


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